Exclusive | Gen Z, Millennial men face ‘method’

Posted by PSEDEN

2026-01-06

On 2026-01-06

Like many American men of his generation, 28-year-old Ryan Kessler is afraid of talking to women.

But Manhattan singles are hesitant to approach women in the wild not because of a lack of intelligence or presence; It’s the fear of being mistaken for a toxic chauvinist, stupid monster.

Kessler told The Washington Post that when he’s trying to win over potential love interests, the last thing he wants is to be thought of as a jerk who makes ladies cringe, rather than swooning over him with clunky pick-up lines and unwanted advances.

“I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, and I want to be respected,” the cybersecurity analyst told The Washington Post. “Some girls don’t want to be approached at all. So, I always try to be cautious.”

As a result, Kessler said his “interactions with women are very few and far between” these days, even as he searches for his own happy life. “I want to find ‘the one’.” “

Kessler considers himself a good guy, but still sometimes struggles to muster the courage to approach New York women in coffee shops, bookstores and even on subway platforms.

“I don’t want to bother them,” says the would-be lover, who admits he’s not so timid about making the first move on dating apps like Bumble or Hinge. Singles can connect with singles digitally, but “many times, in person, [women] It’s not accessible there, so it’s a bit strange,” the 28-year-old pointed out.

According to a 2025 report, nearly half of single men in the United States struggle with “approach anxiety,” a common concern about not coming across as aggressive.

The researchers determined that “perceptions of being labeled ‘creepy’ significantly influenced American men’s willingness to interact with women, with 44 percent of 1,000 men saying this fear reduced their likelihood of initiating contact.”

This is an unfortunate trend that seems to conflict with what most single women actually want. The survey shows that 77% of women aged 18 to 30 and 68% of women aged 30 to 40 want to be “approached by more people.”

If anything, Liv, a part-time Long Island resident in her 20s, has “the utmost respect” for men her age who have the courage to express her feelings appropriately and politely, “because in this day and age, it’s so admirable to actually have the guts and courage to do that,” she said in a social media clip.

However, men still need to be careful when doing this.

“…the problem is, a lot of men pursue women knowing that women are not interested in them,” lifestyle content creator Viv said in the popular video.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been diplomatic and respectful [while declining a man’s advances]which resulted in me being borderline harassed… I had [men] Follow me, I got caught by a man,” she added.

Connell Barrett, a dating coach in New York for 14 years, supports how Viv, and most women, feel.

“Respect doesn’t mean holding back. Single straight men should still lead the courtship dance of dating to some extent,” Barrett told The Washington Post. “Women don’t say, ‘Don’t come talk to us.’ They say, ‘Don’t objectify, harass or disrespect us.'”

Since rejection is another fear faced by young single men, Barrett, whose clientele consists primarily of heterosexual men under the age of 35, advises them to abandon the mental gymnastics of “what ifs” and instead approach women with grace rather than anxiety.

“Adopt a new mindset. You’re looking for love, and that’s very human,” he said. “It’s okay to say ‘hello’ to women everywhere, as long as you do it with the right amount of empathy and charisma.”

However, the sweet, charming route doesn’t always seem to be the best option, at least according to 24-year-old actor and model Grant Greenly, who has taken this approach — both in person and on dating apps like Hinge and Raya — to no avail.

Now, the Texan is completely done pursuing his future sweetheart.

“I would never do it again, and I meant it. I didn’t care how it affected my dating life,” Greenlee told The Washington Post. “Approaching women today is not worth the trouble.”

For Greenlee, the last straw was a recent attempt to say “Hi. How are you?” when a bystander promptly interrupted him with a cold, disapproving look, followed by a “Uh, who are you?” response from another single woman he was trying to chat up at the club.

“Dating isn’t what it used to be. Our dads don’t have to worry about cell phones and computers twisting people’s minds,” he complained. “Nowadays, men, including the less obnoxious ones, are treated as a joke online when they ask women out on dates.

“There’s this misconception that all men want women, no matter what.”

As a result, the Southwestern gentleman says that if he wants to meet the girl of his dreams, she has to make the first move.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the idea that women should approach men for dates,” he said, citing gender equality as the basis for his stance. “I know there’s a saying that ‘men used to go to war.'” But now, women are going to war, so why can’t they get closer? “

Levi McCachen, 37, supports this belief, saying it’s time for women to take the romantic leap.

“I was out recently and a woman who wasn’t my usual type of girl approached me to talk. It was awesome and I got her phone number,” McCutchen, a stand-up comedian and podcaster, told The Washington Post. “I thought it was amazing how close she was.”

“If you go up and say anything to someone you think is cute, he’s going to be like, ‘Oh my God, that’s the boldest woman I’ve ever seen in my life,'” the Canadian added.

The professional funnyman and podcaster reiterated his call to action online, saying: “Men, we need to completely stop approaching women. Women, it’s your turn.”

“I was told that if I walked into a room of 100 women, 99 women wouldn’t like me,” he added. “But one of them will be, she’ll let me know.

“All I have to do is not screw up.”