Exclusive | Bridesmaids rethink weddings as costs soar

In today’s New York, you can’t even buy friendship.

That’s a lesson that Manhattanite Vira learned the hard way when she found herself spending nearly $5,000 as a bridesmaid at a dear friend’s recent wedding.

For the Harlem resident, who asked that her last name not be used, the unwelcome expense of a destination wedding not only stretched her budget but ultimately led to the breakdown of a once-cherished relationship.

“I paid a month’s worth of rent just to attend that wedding,” the 38-year-old events and partnerships director told The Washington Post. “The couple are now divorced – I am no longer friends with the bride.”

Paying for round-trip airfare from New York to New England, room and board, the mandatory $400 bridesmaid dresses and bachelor party expenses left Vera with a deep resentment for the man of the hour, she said.

Wedding attendees across the country are growing increasingly uneasy, with some even going into debt after witnessing couples’ adventures, according to trend data.

A 2024 Lending Tree survey revealed that “of the 54% of Americans who attended a wedding in the past five years, 31% were in debt to do so,” with 74% of debtors citing pre-wedding events such as bachelorette parties or bridal showers as a contributing factor.

Another study showed that having a bridesmaid at a local wedding can cost $1,500 to $2,500, while attending a destination wedding can cost $3,000 to $5,000.

Fortunately, Vera didn’t fall into the red after her ex-friend’s doomed “I do,” but the loss it took from her bank account was excruciating.

“I have a good job and I feel a lot of pressure [by the expenses]Vera complained that her dissatisfaction with financial expenses eventually led to the breakdown of their friendship. “It’s crazy to spend so much money on someone’s wedding when divorce rates are so high.”

According to numerous recent reports, approximately 40% of modern marriages break down and end in divorce.

Still, whether it’s a match made in heaven or one headed straight to hell, most people would have a hard time resisting spending a fortune on their bestie’s big day.

That’s understandable, says Jack Howard, head of finance and wellness at Ally Bank, urging friends to find a healthy balance between relationships and money.

“Sometimes that means saying ‘no’ to one activity but attending another, or looking for low-cost gifts [strong sentimental] Meaning,” Howard, an accredited financial advisor, told The Washington Post, admitting that he sometimes “felt the pressure” of throwing expensive, back-to-back weddings for friends.

“It’s not about saying no to love, it’s about finding balance in how we say yes,” Howard said.

If brides are guilting their wedding attendees into having no choice but to attend, Howard recommends making small but valuable life adjustments, like putting cash in a “wedding fund” savings account for an upcoming wedding or splitting the price of gifts with other guests.

The expert even encourages people to have transparent but potentially awkward conversations with the happy couple about their financial limitations.

Kara Perez, a writer living in Massachusetts, credits one of those uncomfortable chats with saving her hundreds of dollars in airfare, lodging, food, ground transportation, gifts and pre-wedding expenses such as a bridal shower and a bachelorette trip to Cape Cod for a lifelong friend’s wedding last year.

Perez was living in North Carolina at the time, and attending the prom and actual wedding would cost about $2,000.

“I tell the bride, ‘Hey, I love you so much and I’m so excited [that you’re getting married]but I couldn’t go to all these events,” Perez, 37, recalled to The Washington Post. “I said, ‘Money is tight. I just have to go to the wedding. “”

It’s a difficult admission for Perez, who recently went viral on social media for a candid discussion about the prohibitive cost of weddings.