Embrace the whole package, quirks and all

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My wife endured me.

It’s not that I’m a terrible person, but I know I’ll be a challenge. I think life is an adventure in finding a place to happen, and I am obliged to make room for as many adventures as possible. Also, I think if there is anything worth doing, it is worth it. For example, last weekend, I spent a lot of time turning 60 pounds of native tomatoes into 7 gallons of pureed tomatoes. This bundled the kitchen for a while and I needed Lori’s help several times.

I mean we are all complicated people, and the “other side” of what we like in our spouse may sometimes be something we have to endure. You married her because she was too outgoing, but she always wanted to go out and sometimes bothered you. She married you because you have the feeling of self-control and money that you lack, but she will feel frustrated when you are “stingy”. She married you because she likes your creativity, but it brings the messy side that drives her crazy.

Behavior, personality types and other preferences have both upward and downward. It is impossible to expect your wife to remove the “antifiable part” while maintaining the parts she likes. The best option is to accept the parts you can do without being part of the whole. Focus on the benefits and dilute worries. My wife really enjoyed the best tomato basil soup ever. She also said she liked me to participate in her adventures, at least most of them. And she never gets bored…even if she might be occasionally.

If an annoying one faces her, you or someone else is destructive, or just bothers you, you can’t ignore it, ask her to turn it down a little. But understanding this is part of the whole and is not easily restricted.

[This post first appeared Oct 27, 2012.]

Image source: © Paul H Byerly created with Stockdreams.ai
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