Do you have any companions to cheer for?

Dr. Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT

The psychological concept of air lamps – expressing false information and insisting that it is facts, thus causing the victim to question his or her perception of reality – especially related to sexual infidelity. Airlight is especially likely in relationships affected by infidelity, sexual addiction and porn addiction.

Is there any gaslight in your relationship related to infidelity and/or addiction? If you don’t think so, you might want to think again. Consider the following:

• “I never said to go home at 8 o’clock. I don’t know why you are.”
• “She’s just a colleague. When she’s on the phone here, it’s because we have a project to complete. Why are you always so jealous?”
• “Why do you keep asking me if what’s going on? You’re totally paranoid. It’s really annoying.”
• “I told you that I had to work tonight. Obviously, you didn’t listen.”
• “I didn’t look at her, I was looking at her shoulders to signal the waiter.”
• “I’ve told you at least three times, and I might have to go out of town. When you don’t listen, it feels like I’m okay with you. Why did you do this to me?”
• “I was late for work in the office, closed my eyes for a minute and fell asleep. I can’t believe you were just angry with me for forgetting to call. How do I call when I fall asleep?”
• “Who do you want to believe? Are you jealous sister you hate or are you beloved husband?”
• “Honestly, I only work for us. For you. So we can live a better life. It’s ridiculous for you to think I’m cheating.”
• “I would never do that. I don’t even look at other women. You’re just crazy, and it makes me feel distrusted, you don’t trust me.”

Do these statements sound familiar? I guess at least some of them. And, when your betrayal partner has the courage to question these or similar lies, you may flip the script, insist that your lies are true and that your partner is forgetful, delusional, or just doing something. If so, you gassed your partner and you would have to work hard to restore trust and heal the damaged relationship.

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If you or a loved one is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, seeking integrity can help. In addition to residential rehabilitation, we offer low-cost online workgroups for both male addicts and male porn addicts, which is a new rehabilitation. Click here for information about our Sex Addiction Working Group. Click here for information about our Porn Addiction Working Group.