Dirty Talking 101: A Guide to Avoiding Rudeness in Bed |

Dirty talk: It either comes naturally or it doesn’t really come. In my case, it’s a skill I’ve developed over the years and with different partners. But before all that, I was in a five-year relationship with someone I could never have imagined talking dirty with. Anything beyond the usual grunts and moans of pleasure was way beyond our skill set. But as time went on, it became clear to me that something was missing from our sessions—for me, anyway. While dirty talk isn’t a necessary exploration for every loving couple, I felt a very strong (but unfulfilled) urge to tell my man to fuck me deeper; to ask him if he liked the feel of my pussy around his cock; and, hell, I even refrained from calling him Daddy. My boyfriend at the time and I just didn’t have the kind of relationship where dirty talk felt easy, natural, or comfortable, and I never tried to discuss it with him either.

Over time, however, I’ve learned to let myself lose my inhibitions enough in moments of tension that I can loosen my tongue and paint pictures with my words—and if you want to, you can, too.

What is dirty talk?

Foul languageAlso called erotic chat, dirty talk, sexy talk or sexting (a modern version), dirty talking is the act of using explicit and descriptive word images to increase that arousal factor, before or during sex, or at any time too.

But some of us hear about “dirty talk” and think, “Yeah, that’s not for me,” largely because of the misconception that dirty talk has to be vulgar in a very specific way. Hell: There are probably as many facets to dirty talk as there are stars in the sky, folks. Remember: It’s a highly creative act, and you are the artist.

Sexologist Shan Boodram says it well:“Talking dirty doesn’t mean it’s crude, vulgar, or crass. It’s more about whether it makes you feel hot.” ​​What makes a phrase “dirty” is how much it turns you and/or your partner on. Simple, right?

How to talk dirty

While defining dirty talk as any conversation that turns you on seems pretty straightforward, that’s not always the case when we want to start talking dirty for the first time (or want our partner to do it, or both). Here are some basic tips for taking it or leaving it.

DON’T FORCE IT… move at your own pace

Avoid measuring yourself against other people’s standards. There is no need to rush into something new for you, or force yourself to imitate mainstream porn actors, or anything/anyone else that might make you believe that you are a real pro. seem as an authority on the subject. Give yourself permission to go at your own pace. You might even consider sharing your fantasies via text message beforehand (sextingbaby) and work your way up to in-person play. Think something like, “You should probably take your pants off when I get home… I feel great,” or “I can’t wait to have you back in my hands.” [Insert eggplant emoji, peach emoji, raindrop emoji]“If/when your partner shows that they like it, you will feel much safer expressing things face to face.

Say what you want Before sex

There are no hard and fast rules here, but to give you a general idea that you can use to build your confidence and bend to your will when you feel more comfortable, a good rule of thumb is to tell your partner what you want to do (or what you want them to do) before you actually get into the thick of it. If you’re both still at work but you’re planning on getting down to it later, for example, you might say, “I can’t stop thinking about last week, when we came at the same time while you slid your fingers in my mouth.” Any statement that reflects a flashback to something you really enjoyed with them is a great way to segue into dirty talk.

…and what you like during sex

While saying what you want to do or what they want to do to you is a great way to build anticipation for sex with your partner, in the heat of the moment, you can try describing in more detail what actively turns you on. While you can ease into talking dirty with phrases like, “Yeah, I like that,” getting more explicit could turn it into, “Don’t stop. I love it when you squeeze my ass.” Likewise, “You’re so hot” could become, “You’re so hot. I can’t get enough of your perfect cock/pussy.” Feel free to keep them updated on your arousal as well: “I’m so wet right now” or “You’re gonna make me cum!” These detailed updates can also help you stay in touch with your own arousal and keep you even hornier—the holy grail, if you will.

Don’t think about it too much

It’s easy to get caught up in the details when you’re nervous. If you suddenly find yourself rambling, grasping at straws, or getting lost in the words coming out of your mouth, take a deep breath, take a step back into your comfort zone, and never forget to see the humor. Humor is sexy. Ultimately, you want to bring your attention back to your partner, to the present moment, and to the real, vivid sensations you’re feeling together. One way to keep it simple that works for some is to feel what it’s like to be in their body rather than their head—and use that as inspiration for your dirty talk. Don’t say something you don’t actually feel, because it won’t resonate as well for either of you. For many, a single word or phrase can be enough to light a fire. “Hold my hips” or “Do you like it when I go slow like this?” » may be just what you need.

Define what is prohibited

Let’s be honest: sexual fantasies aren’t always politically correct, and that’s probably what makes them so hot. While you probably don’t want to be called a bitch or a slut in real life, hearing each other talk about how wet your pussy is or what a good little slut you are in the heat of the moment can be incredibly hot. Of course, it all depends on your preferences. Once you know you’re both interested in dirty talk, sit down and discuss which words and phrases are particularly hot and which words are a total turn-off. Think of it as dirty talk foreplay! Your sex life will be all the better for having this conversation.

Feel free to experiment

Ultimately, dirty talk, like any other sex act, is about experimenting to find what feels good to you. You can put yourself in this mindset or seek inspiration by read erotica to each other, have a little fun Roleplaylooking at some quality porn together, choosing a few new sex toysand of course, talk about sex and pleasure openly and honestly (good communication is a big plus). If at any point you say something that doesn’t go down well or upsets your partner, don’t beat yourself up about it, but don’t dismiss it either. A simple apology can make the difference between your ongoing experimentation: “Oh shit, was that too much? I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Likewise, try not to judge your partner if their efforts fail. With practice and a deeper understanding of each other’s inner workings, this will come more naturally over time.

Discuss your fantasies

Speaking of getting to know each other’s inner workings, one of the best ways to start exploring dirty talk is to share your fantasies with each other. A greater sense of intimacy can arise through dirty talk, especially when it’s based on what you enjoy as the unique individuals that you are. foot fetishistA specific shade of nail polish can make or break a sexual experience. Rather than following a set formula, try to get a sense of the details and dynamics that turn your partner on (and share yours with them). Is he/she more comfortable with explicit affection, or is intense domination more their thing? Do they like to feel degraded or worshiped? Chances are, their preferences will change with the weather, so communication is always king. Remember to keep an open mind, because their sexy maid fantasy might not turn you on as much as your overbearing boss fantasy. There’s time for all of that, and exploration is 100% part of the fun. If there’s something your partner wants you to say that really turns you off or makes you uncomfortable, it’s better to let them know than to force them to do something. It’s a huge universe with so many words to choose from: find the common ground you share and go for it, baby.

In summary : Dirty talk can be your shared home, a kinky galaxy of possibilities to which only the two of you have the secret password. Need more inspiration, for what, Exactlyto say? Discover these More than 100 examples and starts talking. <3