Dirty Talk 101: A Beginner’s Guide to Dirty Talk | Sex

Talking dirty to someone can be a deeply sexy and satisfying way to turn you and your partner on. It can build suspense in a relationship because you paint a steamy, wet picture of what’s about to happen.

Also, dirty talk can be awkward. If you’re not comfortable and in the mood to do it, dirty talk can put you on the spot, make you feel insecure, or even downright embarrassed.

But fear not! There are real ways to hone your talent for expressing deliciously filthy thoughts.

Choose your support

Before you jump into dirty talk, think about where and how you would feel most comfortable experimenting with it. Would it feel more natural to incorporate dirty talk while you’re having sex with a partner? Would you be more open to experimenting with sexting than face-to-face dirty talk at first? If saying words like fuck, pussy, and dick feels absolutely impossible to say out loud, wouldn’t it be helpful to just pull out a piece of paper and start writing down some of your fantasies (with the option to tear it up immediately after expressing those thoughts)?

Figure out what seems possible to you and engage in a little experiment.

Keep it simple

The easiest way to talk dirty is to verbalize what you want to do to the other person or what you like about what they do to you. The more specific and descriptive you can be, the better. If you’re talking dirty to someone you’ve already had sex with, simply add narration to the sexual acts that already feel organic and sexy between the two of you. You don’t need to make up wild fantasies that probably wouldn’t happen in your real-life sexual encounters.

If you tend to give your partner oral sex for a while before moving on to penetration, try giving him a preview of what you’re about to do before you do it. For example, I love the taste of you. I want your cock in my mouth. Or, I want to lick you until you’re about to cum, and then I want to feel you inside me. It’s simple. Just a rough description of how you envision sex for the next twenty minutes.

Choose your words wisely

Our culture often doesn’t provide us with the proper words to express ourselves sexually. Terms like clitoris, vagina, and penis can seem very clinical to some, while slang expressions for sex can seem very crude to others. Everyone will have different words for body parts and sexual acts that are comfortable for them.

When talking dirty, don’t feel like you have to use words that don’t feel sexy and pleasurable coming from your mouth. Of course, be mindful of how your partner likes their body spoken about, but otherwise, use words that feel comfortable to you. Maybe you like the word pussy, but you can’t say the word cunt without flinching. That’s okay.

Know your partner’s limits

On that note, remember to refer to your partner, their body, and their actions in ways that they consent to. For example, your partner may beg you to call them a dirty slut in bed, but don’t do it unless they ask you to. Check the boundaries your partner has regarding the language used to refer to them in a sexual way.

Ask for what you want

Another benefit of dirty talk is that it can also give you practice identifying what you want and asking your partner for it. This type of communication can reinforce consent before and during sex.

Take a moment to think about how you like to be touched. Think about the sex acts and ways of touching that give you the most pleasure. Once you have that in mind, distill your thoughts into sexy requests that you can share with your partner.

I want you to gently bite my nipples while you slide your fingers inside me.

I want you to slowly run your tongue over my clit, over and over again.

It’s probably worth pointing out that dirty talk is just one way of asking for what you want. You always have the right to ask for what you want sexually, period. Dirty talk is just one way of having this important conversation.

Share fantasies

If you feel ready to take your dirty talk to the next level, you can share your fantasies with a partner. This can be as simple as describing in detail a fictional encounter that you’ve made up in your head. You can also describe fantasies about things you haven’t done with a partner yet. These can be things you’d like to do OR things you imagine but don’t necessarily want to do in real life.

For example, maybe you’re interested in anal play and dirty talk is a way of describing how sexy that sounds to you. Or maybe you have a recurring fantasy about your partner spanking You’re not yet sure if this is something you would do in real life, but explaining this to your partner gives you a certain thrill and helps you imagine if you could see this happen in your real-life encounters.

This type of dirty talk can help you grow and explore your sexuality by verbally experimenting with imaginary situations, interpersonal interactions, and new sexual acts that you haven’t tried in real life yet. Just make sure you have your partner’s consent if they’re an active character in your story.

If you are struggling but don’t give up

If dirty talk feels really awkward, a more discreet way to use words in the bedroom is to simply affirm what really feels good to you. Saying things like, “That feels so good” and “Yes. More. Oh my god, more” are ways to start verbally communicating pleasure to your partner in a casual way. And remember, if you’re not a talker, it’s okay to not want to talk dirty at all!

Ultimately, remember that dirty talk is about finding ways to turn yourself on as much as it is about teasing and pleasing your partner. If you’re not interested, dirty talk is unlikely to be fun for either of you. Let your words be guided by your authentic desire to touch and be touched. If you stay in that authentic, sexy space, you might find the words coming out of you as free and unexpected erotica. Have fun playing!

Cover image source: Thubakabra