Cuddling Positions 101: 13 Ways to Get Close and Feel Close

“Nothing shows us how much we need connection like social distancing,” says Maisha Aza, a sexuality and intimacy expert at Black Girl Tantra. “Humans need and crave connection when they don’t get enough.”

While snuggling with a pet, friend, pillow, or even yourself can be very beneficial, in the context of a romantic relationship, cuddling is an incredible way to release stress and build intimacy.

But hey, did you know that there are countless ways to cuddle? Cuddling is a love language all its own, after all. While some people love cuddling, others can do without it, and still others consider it to be just foreplay. By the way, contrary to popular belief, men tend to crave cuddles more than women.

Why You Should Hug (More)

Regardless of why some of us are more attracted to cuddling than others, the facts are clear: Touch is a primal need (we’re far from the only animals who do it) and a great way to get your oxytocin fix. According to a 2014 study, couples who cuddle after sex report greater satisfaction, both sexually and in their relationship overall. Research also shows that touch is an effective way to communicate emotions like love, gratitude, empathy, joy, and sadness.

You may feel numb in your arms or legs, or you may feel overheated. People have a high tolerance for closeness. If, for some reason, you count yourself among those who have a marked aversion to physical contact, you can try to find common ground with your partner by considering these pro tips.

The good news is that depending on your mood, preferences, or state of mind, there are plenty of different cuddling positions you can choose from (hint: not all of them are meant for sleeping). While there’s no right or wrong way to cuddle, these common positions can pave the way for an epic deepening of your partner’s bond:

Cuddles to lie down:

1. Spoon

For some, spooning is one of the best positions for falling asleep. There’s a lot of full-body contact, and once you figure out where to place your arms, it can be very comforting, making one partner feel safe and supported and the other protective. The “big spoon” wraps their arms around the “little spoon” while both lie on their sides, facing the same direction, so that one person’s stomach is resting against the other’s back. It can also be sexual, of course: Is that a difficult dream you’re having, or are you just happy to be close to me? While the “big spoon” is often the larger partner, spooning can really go either way.

2. Half spoon

Half spooning involves laying one partner on their back and the other on their side. The person on their side buries their head in the crook of their partner’s arm and rests their arm on their partner’s chest. This allows you to be close and intimate with your partner without feeling trapped in a full spoon. It also allows for lots of forehead kisses and allows one person to fall asleep to the rhythm of the other’s heart. Just saying.

3. Buttocks “cheek to cheek”

This position doesn’t have to be cold or detached, as some might think. After all, even if you and your partner aren’t actively in the mood to kiss, you’re still intentionally making contact with each other. In this position, you’re facing opposite directions, your butt and lower back are touching, and your knees are probably bent, too—though you can also stretch one leg back and stroke your partner’s toes if you’re feeling playful.

4. Honeymoon hugs

In the so-called “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship, partners often can’t get enough of each other. But despite what some may think, you don’t have to be new to feel this way about each other. In this position, you and your partner face each other and intertwine your limbs – all together. You’re so close that your senses are heightened: the perfect opportunity to breathe in your lover’s scent and fall asleep to the feel of their skin on yours.

5. Rocking darling

This position is great when you feel the need to be held and nurtured. One partner lies on their back while holding the other, who rests their head on the first partner’s chest as they move up and down. It’s a deeply comforting type of hug that cultivates warm, fuzzy feelings of trust and togetherness.

6. Tight legs

My partner and I lock our legs together when sleep is a top priority but we still need physical contact. Once you’re both comfortable, simply place one leg over your partner’s, keeping in mind, of course, that you may need to adjust or reposition it if it makes them uncomfortable at any point.

7. Yin-yang

Think of yin-yang as the 69 of cuddling. Face to face, use each other’s legs as pillows. This can create a mutual flow of giving and receiving energy for both partners. This position is great for couples who want deeper intimacy or to spark a reconnection, as well as those who already have a deep connection and are very comfortable with each other. Yin-yang can also serve as foreplay if you’re in the mood.

7. Knee pillow

One partner sits while the other rests their head on their lap. The first partner can stroke their face or run their fingers through their hair. This position shows trust and makes it easier to kiss and caress affectionately. Plus, the feeling of a loving, reassuring hand on your head and hair can provide a deep sense of security and comfort, leading to a deeper connection. Not to mention, it’s a great position to watch a movie (although the person on your lap may fall asleep).

Sitting hugs:

8. Hold hands

It’s simple: Sit side by side, lean against each other, and hold hands. Great for new relationships, holding hands can be delightfully innocent yet intimate. Plus, if you need to step away to get a glass of water or scratch your nose, just remove your hand momentarily.

9. Sitting close, facing each other

This position allows for a strong and stable connection between partners. It can be comforting, reassuring, and very intimate while still allowing for some autonomy. The basic principle: sit side by side and look at each other. Different versions of this position include one partner placing their hand on the other’s leg, putting their arm around the other’s shoulders, or resting their head on the other’s shoulder.

10. Hug, sit

What is a seated hug, you ask? Well, you sit side by side, thighs and hips touching, and hug each other. This is usually best done when one partner pulls the other close by putting their arm around their shoulders. Bonus: seated hugs help cancel out height differences. Perfect for sitting on a couch or on the dock while admiring a beautiful lake.

11. Deck chair

One partner sits with their back to the wall (or the head of the bed) with their legs in a V shape. The other sits in front of them and leans back. This position allows the one leaning back to feel deeply loved, cared for, and desired, while allowing the giving partner to feel supported and protective. This is a position that can really help develop feelings of deep connection and vulnerability. Tip: If you have a big enough bathroom, this one works magic in the tub!

12. Support

Like each of these positions, the companionship position can be organically adjusted to fit what works best for you and your partner. Basically, you sit next to each other holding hands, resting your head on each other’s shoulders, placing your leg over your partner’s, and/or rubbing foreheads.

13. Face-hugging

Also known as the “Yab-yum” pose (a Tibetan expression meaning “father, mother”), the face hug pose is purely tantric and essentially involves a prolonged embrace between you and your partner. This pose is perfect if you want to experience deep intimacy while remaining more or less upright. Up the ante by looking into each other’s eyes or breathing in tandem.

Bottom line: In today’s fast-paced world, it’s all too easy to neglect intimacy and relaxation. Cuddling can help you achieve that. So find the cuddling position(s) that work best for you and your partner and get a little closer. <3