Couples may undermine their relationship with this “toxic”

The beginning of love begins with these seven words.

According to a marriage expert in the CNBC column, relationships don’t usually end with an argument, but there is a phrase that can ruin it.

When couples approach relationship psychologist Mark Travers talks about problems originating from arguments, he finds that the root of the problem is not the battle itself, but the words they use in their arguments.

And there is a phrase that is often seen and can be more destructive than people think: “Why can’t you like it more [insert another person’s name]? ”

“If you use this toxic phrase, your relationship will be in trouble.” Travers warns.

The perpetrator is speaking in Chinese and may think it is a simple statement that is a “discarding line” or a result of trouble.

While the name (whether it’s an ex, a friend’s girlfriend or a boyfriend, or “how you used to be”) is irrelevant in the end, the message behind the question means a different message: “You’re not enough, the others – others – anyone else – can do better in being my partner.”

Travers calls it a “breeding effect by one” and points out that it can cause insecurity and irreparable problems.

“The people on the receiving end don’t feel loved for their identity, but start questioning their own value and constantly wondering whether they meet expectations.”

He explained that relationships only flourish without shame or comparison, which is “why the phrase itself is not a real problem. It is often a symptom of deeper dysfunction: the fear of speaking publicly.”

“They don’t necessarily want a different partner; it’s that they don’t feel safe enough to express their needs clearly,” Travers shared.

If someone feels safe and emotionally with their partner, they will be able to communicate more directly and more clearly.

Travers advises that when a person feels the urge to “why you can’t be more like…”, try saying, “I know sometimes we both feel frustrated, but if we can speak kindly to each other without yelling, that means a lot to me.”

Another option is to say: “When our arguments escalate so quickly, it’s hard for me. I hope we can work hard to stay rooted in tough times.”