According to sex

Picture: Things are heating up, your partner is touching all the right places, but you are not melting into the moment, and you are busy wondering… Have I spent too long? Do I look weird from this perspective? Have I changed my laundry?

Does it sound familiar?

As a sex coach, I can tell you that getting stuck during sex is more common than most people realize. Whether it’s work stress, group chats you forgot to answer, today screaming “Mom” with a toddler 93 times, or just a lingering buzz that keeps going, it’s no surprise that many of us feel stuck in their sex life. Life is full. Although your body may be ready for happiness, your mind may still be in “GO” mode.

When this happens, it is difficult to enjoy intimacy without feeling faked, rushing or analyzing throughout the entire time.

But here is good news: it’s totally possible to get out of your mind and get into your body, which doesn’t require becoming a Tantric monk or schedule a weekend getaway (although…yes, please). In my years of coaching, I have seen these approaches bring the biggest change for those who want to feel more present and open.

In this article, you will find simple, accessible methods that can feel more, more open, and more connected to your own fun – even if life feels messy.

Start with mindfulness

For me, this seems like a sneaky way to convince you to do more meditation, but many studies have shown that consistent mindfulness practice can improve almost all kinds of sexual challenges. Not only that, when you practice consistently with yourself, this makes it easier to show up in the experience during intimate moments as you have actively exercised the focus and the muscles you embodied.

You can simply start: try to find some moments in your morning coffee to keep it quiet, enjoy the taste, warmth (if you are a chilled coffee girl, no shame) and smell. Start with just two minutes and try to accumulate from there.

If you want some support, if you want to lead through experience, there are many applications that provide excellent guidance meditation.

Slow down everything

Sometimes, by chance, our excitement about sacks can lead to feeling overloaded. When speed becomes overwhelming, we retreat from our bodies and get lost in our minds. This is especially true for people with neural differences.

Life is already fast-paced: From school running and emerging to-do lists, endless questions are answered before you first have a coffee, and work stress doesn’t seem to stay at work. To avoid bringing this busy feeling into the bedroom, deliberately slow down your entire sensory experience. This could mean slowing down your breath, lingering during the touch, slowing down your pace during the performance, or just giving yourself more time before penetrating. This may require your partner to verbally express your desire for slower speeds, but trust me, it’s worth it.

Gifts of feelings that are fully embodied in those spicy moments will change the way you enjoy sex.

Stay present with sound

If you are usually more powerful, silent type in your sex life, don’t let this idea scare you. Think about it: fewer porn stars, more buzzing or soft moans.

It helps in many ways to make sounds during sex. It gives you more sensation, can help interrupt your thought train and bring you back to the present moment and most importantly, moaning actually helps regulate your nervous system.

Often, when we are in the minds of too many sex, this can indicate that our nervous system is overwhelmed. Try to buzz gently when touched or being touched – simple, grounded and surprisingly sexy. It also helps stimulate the vagus nerve, thus calming your internal system and allowing for better orgasm.

So keep making some noises!

Change position

Exploring new gender stances is incredible both physically and mentally. We are habitual creatures, so it’s easy to get caught in the same “well, it works” pattern in terms of our technology. This allows us to perform psychological review of grocery lists during ACT, as predictability allows our minds to linger.

Exploring new positions helps keep our sexual experiences spicy and fun. Your body feels pleasant from a new perspective, new visuals, and even a few giggles, and figures out at the same time.

Play with your senses

There is a reason why blindness and restraint in the bedroom goes through the test of time. Deprive one feeling, while others feel higher. It attracts your head and goes deeper into this moment.

The purpose is to help you sink completely into your body by attracting your senses in new ways. It doesn’t have to be intense or meticulously working. Start small. Maybe a partner keeps his hands on himself for a while (limits optional if it’s your atmosphere) or tries to close his eyes (blinds can make it more fun). You can even add earplugs to enhance touch or sensual audio fantasy through the earplugs as your partner explores your body.

Think simply: Close your eyes, earplugs, or sensual playlists, while your partner takes the lead. Before you begin, check each other’s boundaries. Find out how they want to zoom in and how they want to take a break.

Try something new

One of the easiest ways to do it during sex is to add something new to the mix. Novelty will naturally attract your attention, which helps you get back to the present moment. It doesn’t have to be wild or out of place, and only enough differences can inspire curiosity.

This could mean introducing a new toy, or reusing household items or other things in a kitchen drawer in a very less secure way. The goal is to get your mind involved in the experience, rather than get stuck in the psychological cycle of chores, words and semi-complete lists.

Take orgasm from the table

Nearly half of women reported struggling to climax during their partner’s sexual intercourse. If it was you, he was definitely not alone. But here’s the truth: when orgasm feels hard in time, too much focus on “get there” can hold you out of your body. Suddenly, you have to think, guess for the second time, and feel more stressed than pleasure.

(If you’re looking for some job inspiration, check out our top positions to help women orgasm. A little inspiration will never hurt.)

A powerful shift is to remove the orgasm completely from the table. When there is no finish line, the experience itself becomes the focus. This works best when both sides agree in advance no one tries to orgasm. Instead, you’re just exploring the feeling and staying there. When entertainment is important, everything starts to feel this and you may be surprised. And the wild part? Usually, it will happen more easily anyway when orgasm is not the target.

Arrange your sex

Couples sometimes resist the idea of scheduling sex because they feel that sex is improvised or wild, rather than the Google Calendar you pop up. But, arranging sexual behavior can be an incredible way to minimize intimacy and fully present mental noise in the experience.

When you know that sex is coming, you can take care of small things that will usually distract you. Organize the room, light a candle, or bathe everything to feel yourself. You can easily get out of the situation when you feel sexy and clear mind.

Before you go, get education about six (yes, six) types of orgasm: