A Different Sexual Reality: Getting to Know Her Side

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Yesterday, I told the women on XY Code that if a woman understood what sex meant to her husband and how not having sex often enough would affect him, she would say “no” much less often. I said that if she wasn’t enjoying sex to the fullest, she would be quick to offer something else and sometimes initiate it. If she has some junk in her past that’s getting in the way of her sex life, she’ll be motivated to deal with it.

I believe any decent, loving woman would do this if she understood her husband’s sexual realities. Maybe some girls avoid learning about his reality to avoid the demands it places on them. But still.

I also tell women what a decent, loving husband would do if he understood her sexual realities. He will vary the time and manner in which he makes his request. He changes his requests, his expectations, and what happens when sex happens. If he’s watching porn, he’ll be motivated to deal with the problem. I completely believe this is true.

If you still watch porn, either you don’t get it or you don’t care about your wife. If you seek sex when she’s exhausted, either you won’t get it or you don’t love her. etc.

For the most part, I don’t think men get it. I realize that many people are blinded by their insatiable sexual desires, but if they understood her reality, I think most people would be able to transcend even that. Perhaps some avoid understanding her reality to avoid the demands it places on them. But still.

All of this is to say that her sexual reality is very different from your sexual reality. But her reality is just as real and valid, and it affects her as your reality affects you. A lot of things you think of as selfish or unloving are not. If you can accept this as fact, it will be the beginning of change.

If you really want to go all out, ask her to explain what she thinks and feels about sex and why she thinks and feels the way she does. Don’t judge her or argue, just listen to her. Then pray about her reality and what you should change.

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