3 Women Who Tried Sleep Divorce

Want to get mad at your spouse because it’s nearly impossible to get a good night’s sleep next to them? Before losing your cool or falling into the worst-case scenario, it’s worth considering whether a sleep divorce might be the answer to your problems.

As the name suggests, “sleep divorce” is when a couple regularly and intentionally sleeps in separate beds or bedrooms. This may sound unconventional, but it’s more popular than you think. According to a 2025 survey, nearly one-third (31%) of U.S. adults have tried the practice in hopes of soothing a partner or getting a deeper, more restful sleep. Celebrities like Carson Daly have even opened up about the positive impact it has had on their relationships.

“Sleep divorce can be a wonderful thing for a relationship,” says psychotherapist Alissa Camacho, MS, LPC. she knows. At the same time, she warned that this is “certainly not a black-and-white topic. The context of decisions is important and communication is critical when discussing this topic.”

The benefits and potential drawbacks of sleep divorce

Camacho said sleep divorce is common among couples because one partner snores loudly, has sleep apnea, or has an unusual schedule. They are also popular when someone is pregnant or when a fussy newborn or toddler is included in the photo. In this case, individual naps can help everyone get the recommended seven or more hours of sleep per night with fewer interruptions. From a health perspective, this is a huge problem: poor sleep has been linked to hormonal and metabolic disorders, cognitive decline in older adults, and many other factors.

However, sleep divorce also has some potential disadvantages. “The biggest risk is not sleeping in separate beds, but the silent emotional and physical separation,” says relationship coach and author Monica Tanner she knows. Examples of this include talking to each other less or having sex less frequently. Depending on your living situation (i.e. how many beds or bedrooms you have), sleeping alone may not even be possible.

Like Camacho, Tanner believes communication and intentionality are keys to successful arrangements. We all have different physical and emotional needs. If you’re curious about sleep divorce, plan to have a gentle and honest conversation with your partner to discuss your goals, concerns, and what the two of you might encounter in practice. “Use words to reassure your partner of your commitment and desire to connect,” advises Tanner.

“It can be difficult to hear that your partner simply doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore,” Camacho adds. “This is a very personal matter and how you say it matters.”

she knows spoke with three women who have tried it themselves, including a certified adult sleep coach who helps couples deal with these issues every day. Here’s what they had to say about how it affected their sleep and their romantic relationships.

Elliot Harrell, 40

Elliot and her husband began sleeping separately because his snoring threatened her sleep. “We didn’t sit down one day and say, ‘We should start sleeping separately,'” she explains. “I think our experience is probably like that of many other couples where one person finds themselves constantly going to the other bed because they have trouble sleeping.”

That was about a year and a half ago. Today, she and her husband still often sleep separately. Elliot would usually start in the same bed as him and then move to another bed in the house when she woke up or couldn’t fall asleep.

“I don’t think we’ll ever have separate bedrooms or anything,” she added, “but we’re both very interested in optimizing so that both of us have the best sleep possible.” She also started wearing earplugs a few months ago in hopes of sleeping together more often.

As a mother of young children (ages 3 and 5), Elliott has yet to answer any of her children’s questions about her and her husband’s sleeping arrangements. “If they ask, we emphasize that we have a great relationship and that one of the ways mom and dad show love to each other is by making sure everyone gets enough sleep,” she said.

Her advice to anyone considering divorcing sleep is simple: “Just do it! Prioritize yourself, your health, and your sleep over anything you think is ‘weird’ or negative about lying in bed unable to sleep.”

Kelly Murray, 48

As a certified adult sleep coach, Kelly Murray knows how important sleep is to your physical and cognitive health. She is also keenly aware that when one or both parties no sleep well. That’s why she’s so keen on sleep divorce: “We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to share a bed because it’s what couples are ‘supposed’ to do, but at what cost?”

Like Elliot, Kelly began sleeping separately from her husband because his snoring bothered her. “Now, I sleep better, which means I’m in a better mood, I’m more patient, and our relationship is better because of it,” she shared. “We can also keep our own schedules without feeling like we’re inconveniencing each other, which is very freeing.”

Logistics can sometimes be tricky, though. Since her husband usually sleeps in their guest room, having visitors over means Kelly won’t get as much sleep. She also became more sensitive to movements and sounds at night than she would have been if she were divorced before bed. But for her, the pros of this arrangement outweighed the cons.

“Consciously maintain intimacy [with your partner]” she advises. “Just because you sleep apart doesn’t mean you’ve lost that intimacy. You might spend the first part of the night in the same bed—talking, connecting, whatever you need—and then one of you moves to your own sleeping space. ” She also supports trying a sleep divorce trial to resolve any issues and find the best arrangement for your relationship and living situation.

Monica*, 37 years old

Monica’s sleep divorce began when she and her husband began living together during the COVID-19 pandemic. Her husband’s mattress hurt her back, so she started sleeping on the couch in the living room, where the mattress was firmer. “Even though it was inconvenient to pull out the mattress every night, it made a huge difference in the quality of my sleep,” she shares. She also noticed increased sensitivity to sounds during this time—including her husband’s loud snoring at night.

Since then, they have maintained separate sleeping arrangements. It also has the added benefit of allowing them to follow their own routines at night without having to be tied to each other’s sleep-wake schedules. “In a lot of ways, I think it’s helpful because we often fight over things like me kicking him when he snores,” she explains.

Sometimes, Monica does wonder if their sleep divorce has had a negative impact on their sex life. Since she and her husband don’t lie next to each other at night, they rarely have spontaneous sex. “However, we are a very physically loving couple, so I don’t think it hurts us as a whole,” she added. “I actually think I would sleep better with my husband if we addressed the mattress and snoring issues. I find his presence calming and tend to fall asleep quickly when he’s next to me. But for now, this is the easiest and works best.”

Monica is a big believer in team sleep divorce – and if this sounds appealing to you, she highly recommends giving it a try. “I don’t think it makes you any less romantic, or that separation really means anything to your relationship,” she said. “Sleep is very important to me and is vital to everyone’s health. Giving up sleep just to adjust to normalcy is not worth it.”

*Last name omitted for privacy reasons.