Exclusive | New York singles ditch dating apps for new ‘love is’

Bad dates are a fact of life in New York—from painful, interview-like nights with an unchecked egomaniac to marathon partying that ultimately leaves you both deflated and It’s no secret that making connections in today’s New York is a toxic, chaotic metropolis.

Some New Yorkers, tired of the app’s swiping culture and the pressure to perform when you actually manage to meet someone in person, have given up on romantic relationships altogether, preferring instead to take their AI companions for a night on the town.

While I haven’t quite fallen into the despair of falling in love with a chatbot myself, my Gotham dating experiences have been littered with memorable disasters — like the aspiring writer explaining his terrible script to me for an hour and a half, or the poor guy suffering a full-blown panic attack for two hours during dinner. (Did I say that?)

So when I recently saw an ad on Instagram for an event promoting a new way to date in real life, where participants are blindfolded until a proper connection is made, like in the hit Netflix reality show Love Is Blind, the still-single lady in me was intrigued.

My Hoang Nguyen, 38, is the co-founder of Unseen Connection, a popular gathering that debuted in Lisbon, Portugal last year. The focus, she told The Washington Post, is to help people overcome today’s appearance-obsessed digital dating culture and promote a real spark.

“We both loved ‘Love Is Blind,’” Nguyen told The Washington Post — referring to her co-creator and best friend Martina Gruber. “So we said to each other, ‘Why not host our own event and bring the ‘LIB’ concept to real life? We want to make dating more fun and exciting again and less superficial.” “

Dark Nights dates are small, with a short list of 30 daters (usually 15 men and 15 women) carefully selected to ensure that each participant is paired with four potential matches.

After paying a $100 fee, which included a drink and hors d’oeuvres, attendees filled out a 20-part survey that included questions about shared values, ideal relationship dynamics and intimacy.

Nguyen’s built-in virtual agent then uses ChatGPT to do the matching — though she notes that she and her team still read every application.

Arya, who heads the New York chapter of Unseen Connection, was a date to an event hosted by the brand in Lisbon, which she co-hosted with her girlfriend Ellen Yaffe.

To attract quality men, he decided to get creative.

“For people I find attractive on the subway, I give them a card that says ‘You’re hot,'” Arya told The Washington Post. “Then it has our QR code on the back and it says: ‘I’m giving you this because I think you’re beautiful, but your person is not on your algorithm. Try this.'”

Ready to try something new, I filled out the survey and anxiously awaited my first New York night at Unseen Connection.

actual events

The night Unseen Connection premiered in New York, I arrived at It’s Him—the hip Hell’s Kitchen cocktail bar where the event was held—wearing a cream shell top and black pants that made me feel confident. Ironically, I was the only one who could see my band the entire evening.

As I sipped vodka martinis at the small table where I met my date, I chatted with other women at the event. One of them, Scarlett, a 32-year-old software engineer, said she had been single for nearly three years and signed up because she “didn’t like the apps.”

Ladies were asked to arrive 15 minutes early so volunteers could help us find our spot and prevent us from seeing potential suitors.

“I’m open to whatever the outcome is, whether it’s a match or not,” Scarlett told me. “It’s more for my confidence – I’ll try again.”

Inspired by her optimism, I took a breath and put on my blindfold. After a quick review of the evening’s structure – a volunteer would bring the men to each woman’s table for three 12-minute dates, the fourth round had a surprising twist – the men were ushered into the venue.

Then comes the fun part – the actual date. Over the next hour I had the pleasure of talking and connecting with three different people while completely invisible.

Immediately, I was struck by how my other senses were tuned to gather data about who might be sitting in front of me. The smell, the sound of their voice, and the feel of their hands—not to mention the conversation and chemistry—all influenced my choice of whether to ultimately connect.

After taking off the blindfold and finding the bonus round that matched the name on the wristband (as “Barbie,” I was instructed to find my “Ken”), I ended the night with a match – an interesting man with whom I had a strong connection, who was also somehow handsome.

No matter what happens next—or doesn’t happen—the experience feels like a resounding success. Nguyen reminded me that real victory is just taking the leap to pursue real-life connections—and learning more about yourself in the process.

“It’s so exciting to see people be vulnerable and get to know someone in such a unique way,” Nguyen said. “It’s about getting out of your head without looking at appearances, without having to pretend who you are…and hopefully something beautiful will come out of it.”