The Worst Things People Got Stuck in Their Butts Last Year

This is not a trend we can get behind.

Whether it’s out of sheer curiosity, misleading advice from ChatGPT, or sex, a surprising number of people end up in the emergency room every year after putting something up their butt that shouldn’t be there.

But their secret stigma isn’t actually that secret: The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission actually keeps a database of emergency room visits and the circumstances that bring people to the emergency room, meaning the government has an exhaustive list of every time a patient says, “Really, doctor, I just fell.”

Of course, the database is completely anonymous, so those unfortunate souls who lost a corncob holder in their rectum can rest easy and no one will know it was them.

But Defector looked at the latest data from 2024 to pick out the most shocking, confusing and disturbing items reported to be stuck in Americans’ anuses.

It’s not pretty.

In addition to numerous sex toys, including a 24-inch-long dildo, highlights include:

• nail
• screws and nails
• Baseball (reason given: “See how it feels.”)
• Undercooked pasta
• Egg
• dog chew toys
• stained slides
• sandals
• door handle
• Marbles
• Glasses
• rock
• Beard knife wrapped in plastic (reason given: “Feeling constipated for two days”)
• turkey greaser
• Plastic detergent bottle filled with liquid
• Shampoo bottle (reason given: “Slipped in the shower.”)
• Shampoo bottle (reason given: “It’s boring.”)
• Lubricating oil bottle
• enema bottle
• aerosol can
• tooth pick
• wine cork
• corn cob holder
• highlighter pen
• invisible mark
• two pencils
• magic wand toy
• 7-inch dildo and pliers (for trying to remove the dildo)
• Broken butt plug and tweezers (for trying to remove the butt plug piece)
• film canister
• battery powered lights
• flashlight
• Plastic coat hanger with the outside of the hanger cut off so he could drive to the emergency room
• penny
• Light bulb, glass side first (the light bulb is “sucked up” due to the “suction effect”.)
• vape pen
• corn cob pipe
• Rubber gasket
• Nose hair trimmer
• Rectangular travel toothbrush
• baton
• hair band

Confusingly, there are also instances of people not being sure if they still have a previous sex toy in their bum, or not remembering to put one away.

So it’s no surprise that Chicago emergency room physician Dr. Kenji Oyasu says one of the questions he’s most frequently asked is: “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever pulled out of someone’s butt?”

In a viral TikTok post in September, he said that at the top of his list was the person inserting a full-size pumpkin spice Yankee candle.

“I’m talking tabletop jars — not just the top, but the whole damn thing,” he said. “Now the question is how to get it out, and actually, with very large things, you can’t just reach down and grab them and pull them out because the suction will cause a vacuum to pull it back.”

In 2023, the Journal of Emergency Surgery Vision published a case study about an Iranian man who required emergency surgery after a deodorant canister inserted into his back entered his digestive tract.

This year in Florida, a man arrested for drugs went through a body scanner and it was discovered he had a thermos inside his body. Police said it was entered “from the exit ramp.”

Fortunately, emergency room visits are unlikely to occur for this type of incident. Very Very common – although some would argue they still exist also common.

According to the American Journal of Emergency Medicine, from 2012 to 2021, approximately 38,948 people were hospitalized due to rectal foreign bodies each year. The average age of patients was 43 years, and 78% were male. Forty percent need to be admitted.

Of all the items doctors removed, 55.4 percent were sex toys.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just Tush who was abused. The defector also listed the craziest things people put in their vaginas and penises.