Real talk about dating and relationships

Both men and women are frustrated with dating these days, but some people make things even more complicated. Some of this is due to misperceptions of inconsistent pursuits of chemistry or unrealized fantasies. A strong desire for someone who is just out of reach. It can feel like a reward when they are finally able to charm the person they’re after. For some reason, this often becomes an ongoing pattern.

1. The first reason is the challenge of conquest.

The chase creates excitement and uncertainty, making the chase more intense. Winning someone over is validation of the pursuer’s self-worth. For some, it’s an ego game, like the pursuit of collecting sports trophies. This relationship never ends well. Once the conquest phase is complete, a healthy reciprocal relationship is never established.

2. Reflect on emotional challenges from past breakups or difficult childhoods.

Does this sound like you? Would you choose to date an emotionally unavailable person because there’s something familiar about them? This form of disengagement is what you are used to. Unfortunately, repeating this pattern will not cure the emotional numbness you continue to feel. It can lead to unhealthy repetition in your dating and relationship choices.

3. They are not looking for a committed relationship.

This person enjoys the chase because they don’t have to show vulnerability. The person they pursue has no expectations of them because they are not a couple. People are more interested in the excitement of the chase than getting results. They feel safe in this environment because there are no expectations.

4. Some people like to play games!

Some people choose to chase because it adds fun to their lives. They may not even be truly interested in the person they are following. However, they tried their best to see if it would interest them. The core of the game is trying to win them over, but once you do, the game is over very quickly. They’re already looking for their next prospect. When dating someone new, pay close attention to red flags early on.

Why are things we can’t have so attractive?

What makes unachievable challenges exciting is the mystery inherent in them. Even if you sincerely pursue the person you want, putting so much energy into pursuing it rarely pays off. If you’re going to chase someone for that long, do you really want to catch him? Even if you do manage to get their attention, it usually either fades away or ends abruptly.

This requires a lot of push and pull emotional energy. This can also create self-doubt. When someone doesn’t invest in you, it ultimately damages your self-esteem. Especially if you repeat the scene with multiple people.

Break the cycle: How do you get out of repeating this pattern?

1. The first step is to acknowledge the emotions you feel when you are in this situation. Is there anger, jealousy, confusion, or sadness?
2. What attracts you most about them?
3. Are you seeking acceptance, or do you want to be chosen by this particular person?
4. Do you think their presence is more valuable?
5. Do you feel down when you’re dating or in a relationship? Would you be willing to speak with a counselor to correct this ongoing pattern?

Once you understand that you feel an attachment to an unattainable person, you can begin to change this pattern.

Focus on any lessons you learned from each scenario. What positive or negative results were achieved? Do they all end the same way? What makes you feel good in their presence, and what makes you question yourself?

Practicing self-love is crucial to attracting love to you. Being able to trust yourself to be vulnerable is also important to building a loving partnership. Choose people with whom you feel safe and trust each other.

If you feel anxious or really uncomfortable around someone, this is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. When you’re on the right path, there will be a smooth and natural progression as each date unfolds. The fears of the past will dissipate and you will slowly let your guard down.

Photo by Luke Miller

Once you have some of these answers, choosing a better partner will become easier.

• This new clarity helps make better choices.
• You will know what love is not.
• You realize that love based on chasing or waiting for someone is not a real connection.
• Now we understand that subconsciously you want to create an emotional bond. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen because there was no solid foundation to build on.
• You also learned the difference between love and validation. You are looking for signs that you are enough.

The important lesson is that you need to have self-worth first before you can get the promise of something in return. This revelation teaches you to have boundaries and set standards because you want to have a loving partnership.

You also learn how to have the courage to break free from addictive patterns. You understand that staying with someone who doesn’t love you is self-abandonment and always ends in heartbreak.

Finally, you understand that to stop attracting unapproachable people, you have to stop being unavailable to yourself. True love doesn’t need chasing. You attract it by knowing you deserve it.

*Watch the video below to learn more about today’s post.

CyberSu XO

Private Dating Relationship Coaching with Sybersue – Please contact me at Dearsybersue@gmail.com and send me a message to schedule a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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