Understand the trauma of intimate betrayal

Erin Snow

If you’re cheated and now you feel like you’re crazy, you’re not alone. When you discover your partner’s infidelity, you can’t help but see it as a powerful emotional and psychological trauma. It feels like you’re hit by a truck – but emotionally rather than physically. You will feel beaten, bruised and broken by betrayal. If you invest in your relationship, if you love and believe in your partner, you will be understood for granted. There is no way to avoid this situation, nor is there a way to avoid the natural “crazy”. In fact, the anger, tears, fear, plea, defense, and emotional instability you feel are inevitable and expected reactions to being deceived.

This is It’s not your fault. Research shows that after learning that another person who is important to wander, betrays a partner, often experiences symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression, which are characteristics of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Yes, PTSD is the same debilitating disease we see in the battle soldiers. No wonder you are experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, oversave, depression, mood swings, and the inability to focus on the basic tasks of daily life?

Emotional roller coaster

Surprisingly, your cheating partner may blame you for the emotional roller coaster you are riding. He or she might say something similar:

• If you are not that hostile, I will never be fooled.
• I never know what I would expect from you. This makes my life really difficult.
• Why can’t you forgive me so that we can continue to live?

These reactions ignore the trauma of betrayal. Your partner’s cheating hurts your ability to trust. You find it difficult to believe anything he or she says or does at this moment, and anything he or she says and does in the past. Whenever you discover another new message, you experience the whole betrayal again.

Be kind to yourself

After learning about betrayal, you find your emotional roller coaster painful. This is also normal. Try not to judge your thoughts and feelings. Instead, remind yourself:

• You didn’t cause this.
• Your thoughts and feelings are a natural response to the trauma of betrayal.

So stop blaming yourself (and stop letting your cheating partner blame you) the emotional roller coaster you are riding. No matter how excessive and excessive the emotions and actions seem at the moment, they are completely normal reactions to situations where you are not at fault, and you find yourself now.

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