Why we share (and hide) our sexual fantasies

We’ve discussed sexual fantasies several times on our blog, including the most common fantasies, the differences in different cultures and how to share your fantasies with your partner. We haven’t covered a topic yet about why someone (or may) choose to disclose their own fantasy. In today’s blog, we’ve covered a recent post Journal of Sexual Research This will dig into this issue in depth.

What is sexual fantasy?

Sexual fantasy is often defined as “any psychological image that is sexually aroused or erotic to the individual” (Leitenberg & Henning, 1995, p. 470). Research shows that almost everyone fantasizes at least occasionally. However, a small part of the population lantasia (The psychological picture cannot be formed), these people are unable to actually have image-based fantasies. Some of the most common fantasies include sex with multiple partners, kinks and rough sex, doing some taboos, and having sex in a new location or environment. Recent reviews of fantasy literature have concluded that things people fantasize have a lot in common, and that relatively few fantasies are actually considered “rare” (Lehmiller & Gormezano, 2023).

Why people share (or hide) sexual fantasies

Kimberley and colleagues (2025) conducted an online survey of nearly 300 participants to explore why people share or don’t share their latest or favorite sexual fantasies with their partners. Participants divided the fantasy into one of eight types (see the image below) and then answered questions about why they chose to share or hide it, their partner’s reaction (or their expected partner would react), and their enthusiasm for this reaction (or how they actively think they would react). Most (almost 70%) of participants said they shared fantasies with their partners.

Images from Kimberley et al. (2025)

After analyzing the survey’s responses, the researchers concluded that there are five main reasons that help share or hide their sexual fantasies:

1. Sexual satisfaction: Almost half of the people who share fantasies with their partners explain that their hopes that sharing fantasies may lead to actual involvement in fantasies (e.g., trying new things together, such as role-playing). However, some say they choose not to share fantasy because they feel it is impossible or pleasant to be involved in real life (for example, their fantasy is just fantasy, not desire).
2. Relational motivation: Many also reported reasons for decisions related to relationships. For example, in newer relationships, people don’t necessarily feel enough about their partner to share their fantasies, and people in long-term relationships often feel that sharing fantasies may bring them closer together.
3. Partner Features: Sometimes, the quality or characteristics of a partner can influence decisions about whether to share fantasy. For example, those who think their partner is more sexually inclined to share.
4. Communication mode: Perhaps no surprise, the overall communication dynamics between partners play a major role in the decision to share or retain fantasy. In some cases, people are prompted to share because their partner has disclosed their fantasies or directly asked them. In other cases, a feeling of embarrassment or discomfort can lead to an individual avoiding sharing completely.
5. Fantasy content: Participants also stressed that fantasy content played a role in the decision to disclose. Fantasies that are considered “low risk” are more likely to be shared, while those that may lead to relationship conflicts or judgments are often retained. However, it is interesting that fantasy types based on specific types of selected categories cannot predict whether participants are shared. In other words, the subject of fantasy is not a reliable indicator of disclosure. Rather, this is an individual’s subjective view of risks or sensitivity in relationships within content. For example, one might think that there are much less fantasy in taboo or forbidden gender categories than people who focus on passion and romance, but that is not the case. It is important to see how risky a given fantasy is in one’s own relationship environment.

Partner response

Overall, the vast majority of partners responded positively to fantasy disclosures – 80%! Although the author points out, this may reflect the careful selection process of both What Been shared how Communicating it, it found that when people choose to share their fantasies, this largely supports the dynamic. In most cases, partners respond with open responses, express support, and even report themselves sharing similar fantasies themselves.

However, some people (about one in 5) have negative reactions, which means sharing fantasies isn’t always good. For example, when someone shares fantasies that their partner doesn’t fit in, they sometimes end up feeling judged or humiliated.

Important points

The authors concluded that sharing sexual fantasies has the potential to have a positive impact on relationships and sexual satisfaction, suggesting that the vast majority of supportive partner responses are evidence that disclosure is often mutually beneficial.

However, it is important to realize that simply having one person does not necessarily mean that one wants to act on it (Lehmiller & Gormezano, 2023), and sharing fantasy is not a generally positive experience for everyone. For tips on sharing fantasy in ways that may increase the chance of positive responses, check out this podcast episode, which tells me what you want.

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refer to:

Kimberley, ML, Jones, SA, & Elliott, JM (2025). Content analysis of the reasons for sexual fantasy and partner responses. Journal of Sexual Research,,,,, 62(3), 421–432.

Lehmiller, JJ, & Gormezano, AM (2023). Sexual Fantasy Research: Contemporary Review. Current opinions on psychology,,,,, 49Article 101496.

Leitenberg, H. , & Henning, K. (1995). Sexual fantasy. Psychological Announcement, 117(3), 469–496.

Title picture made of canvas