The power of “surrender” and “acceptance”

Scott Brassart

The first step in each 12-step program reads:

We admit we can’t do anything [our addiction]- Our lives become difficult to manage.

In other words, the first thing that an addict needs to do to demand recovery is to surrender and admit that we have lost the fight against addiction. Sometimes, we think that surrendering in this way means we have given up, we have no ability to recover, and we never want to overcome our addiction. I know that’s what I’m thinking. Actually, when a brave (very kind) therapist gave a preliminary assessment of my behavior and my behavior and said, “Scott, you’re an addict,” my first thought was ah! This is the problem. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out myself. My second reaction is it’s great. Now I have an excuse for a terrible behavior.

Basically, in my opinion, succumbing to my addiction means I can’t do anything about it, so why try it. Just surrender and roll your fist. However, I do feel at least the recovery action needs to be done. After all, I hope my family still likes and cares about me, and I hope my employer still keeps the money in my bank account every two weeks. To do this, I need to at least look like I’m solving my addiction and changing my life. But I’m thinking secretly I’m a junkie and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t fight. All I can hope is to do better in hiding it.

The good news is that in the process of trying to create a facade of health and well-being, I agreed to regular treatment and, with quite resistant conditions, recovered 12 steps. Through this work, especially the 12-step meeting and the steps, I learned that I was not asked to succumb to the addiction itself. I’m asked to surrender Reality Addiction and reality is that by helping and working hard, it is possible to overcome this addiction. Soon after, I learned that if I surrender and accept these reality, I could solve my addiction in a meaningful way.

This recognition was my first important experience with the most important concept of recovery surrender and acceptancebut not the last one. As recovery progresses, often the right start, I begin to see my powerlessness and inability to manage my life is more than just my addiction.

I’m not the only addict to achieve this kind of understanding. In fact, as recovery progresses, most of us eventually learn that to stay awake for a long time, we must apply the concepts of surrender and acceptance to all aspects of our lives.

This is the best description in the book “Anonymous Alcoholism”, which states:

When I was disturbed, it was because I found someone, place or situation (some facts in my life) that was acceptable to me until I accepted that person, place, thing, thing or situation was the way that should be at the time, and I could find peace. …Unless I accept life completely according to the conditions of my life, I will not be happy. I don’t have to focus on what needs to be changed in the world, but on what needs to be changed in my attitude towards me and to me.

In other words, when a recovery addict who wants to stay awake and live a better life, we must accept that we cannot control the thinking and behavior of anyone other than ourselves. The best way we can do is to set healthy boundaries around the behavior of others to protect ourselves. However, we have no control over their choices, not their control over our choices. They think of their own ideas and do their own things, and there is nothing we can do about it.

In this life, what we really control is ourselves. The only thing we can change is ourselves. In many cases, the easiest (and perhaps only) thing we can change ourselves is our attitude toward the choices we make. We have to accept other people, places, things and situations, even if we “know” that everyone will act the way we think they are, even if everyone will get better.

This makes us the main paradox of recovery: by surrendering and accepting reality – all Reality – We are actually empowering ourselves. No, we do not empower ourselves to control the thoughts and behaviors of others. But at any given time, we empower ourselves to resolve the truth of life. By giving up control over others, we can control ourselves—our thoughts, feelings, fears, actions, reactions, and even our addictions.

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If you or someone you care about is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, please help. Seeking integrity to provide hospitalization for sexual, pornographic and material/sex drug users as well as low-cost online task force. Meanwhile, sexAndRelationshiphealing.com offers a variety of free webinars and visit discussion groups, podcasts, and more.

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