Psychologists warn that ‘faking the future’ is a subtle form of narcissism

Partners who do this should be a thing of the past.

Los Angeles psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has created a YouTube video with a dire warning about “faking the future,” a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists in relationships. .

Faking the future involves a person making a promise to a partner that they have no sincere intention to follow through on.

Durvasula explains, “Pretending to be a future is not talking about the future in a hopeful way, that’s just wishful thinking.”

“Pretending to be future is trying to attract others based on the promise of the future,” she continued. “Future forgery means [that promise will] This can happen if the other person in the relationship simply persists or does something. “

According to Durvasula, the “goal” of would-be forgers is not to make their promises come true. Instead, they want to maintain their relationship, or get whatever they want from their partner – adoration, status, etc.

According to Durvasula, an example of future faking is when a narcissist tells their partner that they will move to a bigger house next year as long as the partner does not spend money on themselves for the next 12 months.

She also said the “ultimate future forgery” involves the narcissist committing to growing old with their partner.

Durvasula calls this tactic “a complete tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages.”

“This concept of growing old together is a real roll of the dice,” she said. “Because for one person or another, someone in a relationship is always going to be stuck taking care of someone else, no matter what that looks like.”

Durvasula continued, “I have had the experience of working with many, many people who have been and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. For over 40 years, even 50 or 60 years.”

She noted that society “has only recently not talked about narcissism the way we do now,” so many people in their 40s and older “are tolerating toxic relationships without any words or models to describe it.”

One of the overarching points Durvasula makes in her video is that narcissistic people “never” care for their partners as they age, no matter how much commitment they make.

“What may happen is that the narcissist’s health may deteriorate before you do, and you are then faced with the rather unwelcome prospect of having to care for an ungrateful, selfish person who makes your life miserable. tragic.”

“However,” Durvasula added, “the worse option, and frankly the more likely option, is that your health deteriorates first and you’re going to have to rely on them to take care of you,”

“Your illness will inconvenience them,” she concluded.