Are you still brushing? Seniors brave dating sites

When Joan Vassos was a contestant on “The Golden Bachelor,” she said something that resonated with millions of fans.

“As you get older, you become more invisible. People can’t see you anymore,” the 61-year-old tells the camera. “You’re not as important as you were when you were younger.”

Yes, Bachelor Nation is listening — even to those who are hard of hearing. They feel seen, and for some of them, they’re ready to jump (or should we say, stroll) back into the dating game.

Eventually, Vassos left the show due to a family emergency, but she returned for the first season of The Bachelorette. The finale premiered on November 13 and is available to stream on Hulu.

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Believe it or not, Vassos and former Bachelor Gerry Turner have brought fresh, new energy to the Bachelor franchise. The premiere of “Bachelor” was the series’ most-watched episode so far in 2021. But the new, seniors-only series isn’t just boosting ABC’s ratings.

Vassos and Turner also raised the profile of some older adults about dating again, and perhaps more specifically, meeting people in non-traditional ways, such as through dating apps. Of course, online dating is nothing new for the over-60 crowd, but it doesn’t often become part of the conversation.

Seniors have been taking their cues from Millennials and Zoomers, downloading dating sites like Match, Zoosk, OKCupid and OurTime, and even apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

“I love shows like ‘Bachelor’ because it speaks to an audience that is often overlooked in pop culture. In today’s climate, this is a group of people who have never had to look for a partner and often don’t know where to start,” Maren Levine, a psychotherapist and senior social worker in New York City, explains.

Levine is a big supporter of dating apps and recommends them to some of her clients. She said she encountered some resistance at first. But once they started getting back into the pool, she saw their confidence begin to return.

“As a 65-year-old, you don’t walk into a restaurant, sit at a bar, and look for a date. Apps are really the best right now,” Levine explained. “In the past, if you were over 35, stop looking for love online. Now there are a huge number of people over 40 looking for relationships after divorce or breakup.”

There are some challenges. Some of her clients don’t understand the technology and are prone to oversharing their profiles. But with some patience and a little “control,” the results can be very successful. She noted that one of her clients was in a happy, loving relationship with someone she met online.

Levine suspects that older adults may be better suited to online dating because they are more secure in their lives and are not looking to fill a void but instead are looking for a life partner, or even a good friend, to bring positive value to their already fulfilling lives.

Judy is one of them. She was in her early sixties, a mother of three, who was divorced after 30 years of marriage. She bravely downloaded a dating app and, despite a few bumps along the way, is now in a happy relationship.

After her divorce, Judy moved to the Oregon coast and spent several years learning how to be single again. She was nervous about starting over, but after getting some encouragement from friends, she downloaded Hinge. She has a simple goal: to connect with like-minded people who are active and interested in the outdoors.

“The people who reached out to me were all from Texas, which I thought was weird. I later found out that my location was added incorrectly and said I lived in Central Texas!” she exclaimed. “My girlfriends and I had a lot of laughs about it!”

After the location confusion, Judy decided to try something else. She created a profile on Match, an online dating service for people looking for long-term relationships and the most popular site among seniors. Judy was matched with several different men before finally finding one she “really enjoyed spending time with.”

They ultimately wanted different things, but that didn’t discourage her. She is now in a relationship with a man she met through a friend, “the old fashioned way,” as she puts it. Her online dating experience hasn’t been a walk in the park, but she’s glad she’s re-opened to the idea of ​​finding love again.

She appreciates that shows like The Bachelorette allow people like her to see older people find love after losing a partner, “Most people enjoy having a partner to share their life with…love knows no age, it is eternal.”

Brian is 69, retired, twice married and has four children. He has some beef with online dating, but he jokes that if he hadn’t downloaded Zoosk, he might not be alive today.

During the pandemic, Brian found himself wondering if there were qualified, available women in his age group. He saw a Zoosk ad pop up on Facebook. The dating app uses personality quizzes and other assessments to match individuals based on compatibility. He thought he might give it a try, so he signed up.

Things were not as simple as he imagined. “On the first day, my account was hijacked again,” he explained. Unfortunately, reports of online dating scams are not uncommon, especially for online daters over the age of 50. “But, they (Zoosk customer service) were very helpful and offered me three months of free service, so I stayed.”

During his time at Zoosk, Brian met some wonderful women. In fact, he said, “You could meet a lot of people one day if you wanted to.” He ended up meeting just two people, and while those relationships didn’t work out in the long run, he says he’s still with them Two close friends.

“When I started using Zoosk, I was scrolling through profiles and I accidentally pressed the meet button, so I painfully met this woman. I met an amazing artist and she invited me to her home. At There, I had a heart attack and she saved my life. How about being successful on a dating site?”

He explained that if he had to start dating again, he would go to sites created specifically for older people, such as OurTime or EHarmony, both of which advertise to singles over 50.

Rose, now 70, considers herself an expert on dating apps. She was a published author and longed to find an intellectual, world traveler, although she had some other, more specific requirements.

“I wanted someone who was tall and thin, with a hairless body but a lot of hair on the head, clean shaven, chiseled features and full lips,” she listed. “The brain is also a stimulant.” If her criteria seem specific, that’s because she knows exactly what she’s looking for.

However, she mentioned that she hardly feels any pressure from online dating and instead sees it as a relaxing opportunity to connect with someone and have an interesting conversation. She has used every dating site from JDate to OkCupid and Match, and is open to trying others as well.

“I don’t care at all. If I can have a good conversation for an hour, that’s my goal. I don’t care if they’re not interested in me. I don’t take it personally. It has no emotional impact on me,” she shrug. “I’m not chasing it. He must want it.”

When asked about the impact of shows like “The Bachelorette,” Rose said she thinks it’s exciting that pop culture is now focusing on singles her age. “Baby boomers are a huge generation. I’m someone who’s never been married, and a lot of people are divorced or widowed. There’s a lot of us, and we just need to find each other.”

For Ross, the beauty of online dating is that it allows you to connect with people you’d never otherwise meet. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for, but she was happy to enjoy the process of trying to find out.

“Let’s put it this way, it’s not about sex. I was on a date and the guy immediately told me there was nothing he could do. He had two types of cancer…and had surgery. He just wanted a cuddle buddy, a companion,” she said in her voice gradually weakened. “You want to cum? Just kidding. I’m not there yet. Still working on that.”

Are online dating apps useful for seniors?

All jokes aside, online dating sites and apps have become the go-to for silver singles, with the likes of Jodie, Brian and Ross proving they’re not out of reach.

They still don’t swipe their cards as many times as twenty-somethings. Dating app use is more common among younger people than older people. About half of people under 30 say they have used a dating site or app, compared with 13% of those 65 and older, according to Pew Research Center findings.

However, older adults are also more optimistic about dating apps. The same study showed that compared to their older peers, “adults under 30 are less convinced that online dating makes finding a partner easier.” Perhaps this has something to do with older adults feeling less stressed, or more confident, And it’s about knowing what you’re looking for in your later years.

Levine hopes shows like “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” will continue to inspire seniors to get back on their feet. She also predicts that dating apps will continue to make their platforms more accessible and friendly to older adults.

“They are getting better at marketing and understanding the old market,” she concluded. “They still have a long way to go, but I believe things will get better and better for seniors.”

Names have been changed to protect member privacy.

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