5 Essential Questions to Ask Your Partner About Sex

2024-10-30
Posted by PSEDEN

So your sex life may not be going well. Or maybe they’re going well, but you wonder if I could do better, but you’re not sure how to handle it. Here are 5 questions to ask your partner about sex that will help you better understand their desires, boundaries, and preferences. I hope this sparks some great conversations and a deeper intimacy with you and your partner!

1. What do you like most about our sex life?

Why it’s important:
This question is a great conversation starter about happiness and connection. By asking your partner what they like, you not only invite them to share their favorite experiences, but you also show that their happiness is your priority.
How to deal with it:
Create an atmosphere for relaxed conversation—perhaps during a cozy evening at home or while enjoying a quiet dinner. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about what makes our time together so special. What are your favorite parts of our sex life?” This can lead to insights into specific behaviors, circumstances, or emotional connections that can enhance their enjoyment. This is also an opportunity to explore if there are aspects to it that you might not have considered before!

2. Do you have any fantasies or desires you’d like to explore?

Why it’s important:
Discussing fantasies can be incredibly liberating. It creates a safe space for both parties to express their desires without judgment, encouraging vulnerability and trust. If it goes well, your partner will feel truly seen and understood by you sexually. This question can also open the door to new adventures and bring excitement to your relationship.
How to deal with it:
Try starting this conversation when you both feel relaxed and connected. You might say, “I’d love to get to know you more. Do you have a fantasy you’ve thought about but haven’t shared yet?” Listen carefully, and remember this is exploration, not pressure. If your partner shares something unexpected, approach it with curiosity—ask follow-up questions to understand their vision and see how you can make it a reality.

3. What do you think of our current level of intimacy?

Why it’s important:
Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it encompasses emotional closeness and connection. This question helps assess whether both parties are satisfied and supportive of their relationship. It opens the door to discussing any feelings of distance or disconnect that may need to be addressed.
How to deal with it:
Find a quiet moment where you both feel comfortable. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about how we connect with each other. How do you feel about our closeness?” Focus on how your partner is feeling—this is an opportunity to listen and validate their experience. Whether they express joy, concern, or a desire for change, responding with empathy can lead to deeper understanding and stronger connections.

4. What are your boundaries when it comes to sex?

Why it’s important:
Understanding boundaries is crucial to ensuring both parties feel safe and respected. This question can provide a clear understanding of what is and is not acceptable, helping to build trust and confidence in the sexual relationship.
How to deal with it:
Raise the topic in a calm and supportive atmosphere. You might say, “I think it’s important for us to understand each other’s boundaries. What are some things that make you comfortable? Are there any hard limits that I should be aware of?” Encourage your partner to freely express their thoughts and share Your own boundaries. This can create a collaborative atmosphere where both parties feel empowered to explore within safe boundaries.

5. How can we improve our sexual relationships?

Why it’s important:
This question promotes a growth and teamwork mentality. It invites both parties to reflect on their experiences and work together to create a more satisfying sexual relationship. It’s about building a shared intimate vision. No matter how great your sex life is, there’s always more room to discuss how to adjust it. So don’t think of this as a conversation about your sexual relationship, but more of a way to continue to grow together sexually.
How to deal with it:
Start this conversation by expressing your desire for a fulfilling sex life for both of you. You could say, “I really value our time together and want to make sure we both get what we need. How do you think we can enhance our sexual relationship?” Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and Be open to their suggestions. Whether it’s trying new things, setting aside more time for intimacy, or discussing emotional needs, this conversation can lead to actionable steps that can improve your connection.

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Having these conversations may feel daunting at first, but the benefits far outweigh the initial discomfort. By asking these questions and truly listening to your partner’s answers, you can create an environment of trust and intimacy that will enhance your sexual relationship. Remember, the goal is not just to talk about sex, but to deepen your emotional connection and understanding. Embrace the journey together!
Need to talk to someone other than your partner first? Or, process how this conversation went? Our sex therapists want to help you solve sexual problems In Plymouth, or anywhere in Minnesota where online therapy is available. Get started by These simple steps:

Contact the Institute for Sexual Health to schedule your first appointment.
Make an appointment with one of our experienced sex therapists.
Start building better communication with your partner, overcome sexual issues, and experience new levels of fun and intimacy in your relationship!