Use the “scientific method” when dating — and it could save you

Welcome to the Love Lab.

Psychologists say the scientific method — observation, hypothesis, experimentation, analysis and adjustment — should be applied to dating to prevent singles from making the same mistake of giving up on romance altogether.

The first step in the scientific method is observation, which involves collecting data and identifying patterns.

Experts recommend keeping a “dating journal” to record and reflect on your behaviors and patterns.

“By reflecting on your relationship history, you can glean important insights that can help you make better choices in the future,” Dr. Mark Travers told Psychology Today.

Once you’ve made your observations, you can formulate a hypothesis—an educated guess based on your data.

“In dating, this means reflecting on your past relationships and hypothesizing what changes could lead to better outcomes,” Travers explains.

See what went wrong and decide what changes might lead to a better outcome—like not being asked for a refund after the date.

For example, Travers says, if you find that unclear communication about “values” is causing problems, you might assume that being more forthcoming from the beginning could improve your dating experience.

The experimental phase is an exciting one.

You don’t have to go crazy and mix up some crazy love potion. Just start by changing some of the behaviors you think may be getting in the way of finding “the one.”

For example, go out with someone who piques your interest but isn’t your traditional “type.”

“Every guess gives you a new way to try and see what works best,” Travers said.

“Rather than continuing to date automatically or get stuck in old patterns, you can think of every dating experience as an opportunity to try and collect new data.”

However, this doesn’t mean you should treat people as “test subjects” or “disposable.”

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, a sociologist, intimacy speaker and author, previously told The Washington Post that the convenience of dating apps leads people to view each other as disposable.

The plethora of choices and ease of finding a date has led to a “move on to the next” mentality and made dating more superficial.

“This mentality about dating can make it harder for you to work toward maintaining a relationship,” explains Gonsolus.

Find the balance of respecting every date, but not taking it too seriously—this will save you from heartbreak.

“Every new relationship is an opportunity to test new hypotheses, ultimately helping you better understand what works best for your love,” the expert says.

Analyzing your dating life regularly, whether it’s brunching with the girls, drinking beers with the guys, or reading your “date journal,” will allow you to refine your approach and get to know your perfect match and you better Own.

“Over time, you’ll begin to recognize which qualities in your partner align with your values ​​and which dating behaviors strengthen or weaken your connection,” Travers says.

Like science experiments, not all dating experiments will be successful, but each one provides valuable data for future adjustments—and then you can confidently say, “It’s not me, it’s you.”

“It’s all about learning from every relationship or interaction and using those insights to improve,” Travers noted.