Feeld users complain about too many ‘average’ men on dates

Playing with “feelings” is losing its appeal.

Feeld is a “dating app for open-minded people” hailed by users as a safe space for sexual openness, honesty and communication.

“Field showed me that there are still a lot of men in the world who can live in complete equality and respect for each other,” Emily, 28, told Mashable, asking that her first name be used for privacy reasons.

But now some kinksters complain that the app has become too mainstream because it has been infiltrated by straight, “regular” men looking for casual, basic sex — and putting more women at risk.

The app, which offers users 20 sexual orientations and 19 genders to choose from, was originally launched in the UK in 2014 by Dimo ​​Trifonov and his partner Ana Kirova as 3nder as an app that allows people to express their sexuality through everything from BDSM to group sex.

Since then, its popularity has gradually grown over the past decade, and downloads have increased significantly in the past few years.

According to Fast Company, Feeld’s monthly active users have grown 190% and paid memberships have grown 550% over the past three years.

While some users may like having more options, many card geeks complain that the influx of new users reduces the dating pool.

Sabrina, 27, who uses a pseudonym, told Dazed Digital she is concerned about the trend.

“It’s not about gatekeeping or shaming people for being kinky,” she says. “It can be a safety issue if people don’t understand the importance of safe words and aftercare. Most of the time it comes down to men disrespecting women, equating kink with casual sex, or engaging in risky behaviors like choking and banging without understanding how to do it safely.”

Sabrina joined the app a few years ago to find a kinky romantic partner, but she thinks it’s “becoming increasingly difficult to find kinky singles who are open to long-term relationships.”

“Someone on Feeld recently asked me to post a list of my quirks. When I did, they kind of freaked out and said I had significantly more quirks than them – and to be honest, I didn’t post anything extreme, it was just pretty normal stuff in my opinion,” she said.

Ellie, 26, whose name has also been changed, expressed frustration at the lack of sexually adventurous and educated men on the app.

“For some reason, casual sex is now considered perverted [by some men on Feeld] Because they found it through this app, but it wasn’t,” she told Dazed.

Ellie believes that many straight men are using terms like “naturally dominant” and “ethically non-monogamous” (ENM) to get away with abuse and infidelity.

“I feel like sex-positive rhetoric has been co-opted by men whose sexual behaviour has not changed, but who are now making themselves feel good by calling themselves ‘sex-positive,'” she lamented.

Gen Z is credited with leading the sex-positivity movement and championing more dating apps, but newcomers should proceed with caution and do their research before entering the field.

Emilie Lavinia, a longtime user of the app, told British Vogue that it’s hard to find serious kink partners these days. Too many matches “really don’t know the nuances of kink, don’t know how to be ethically non-monogamous, don’t know how to get consent. That’s the problem.”

More and more women are coming forward with stories of being disrespected and harassed while using the app.

Writing for Mashable, writer Sarah Freedman recalls a time when a man on Feeld “harassed” her. [her] people who have questions about non-monogamy called her boyfriend a “cuckold” and ultimately deemed her a “pretentious c—t” for not being with him.

Unfortunately, online harassment isn’t just escalating on Feeld and dating apps. The survey found that the problem is continuing to worsen — especially for women and girls.

As rival dating apps have largely ignored the wide range of non-“vanilla” dating and sexual preferences of singles, Feeld remains a vital resource for sexual kinksters.

Emily, who joined the app last year, told Mashable that she found “ [talk] To engage with people in a sexual way, but not transactional… It’s based on understanding, respect and communication.”

Feeld CEO Kirova, who took over as CEO from former partner Trifonov in 2021, told British Vogue: “Feeld has a lot of potential in terms of scale, but we have to make sure people are involved for the right reasons and behave in a certain way.”

“We are not pursuing growth at all costs.”