Here are the signs you’re about to be haunted: Jana

Oh, dear reader, get ready.

This week’s lesson was a classic case of “do as I say, not as I do” as I seemed to be making the biggest mistake in dating.

Last week, I was “ghosted.” Yes, it was brutal that after three months of dating someone I thought was absolutely amazing, the not-so-friendly ghost, Casper, showed up.

After years of being berated by friends and family for being “too picky,” I finally found the perfect man.

Then I stupidly put this man on a pedestal. A stupid kiss short-circuited my brain.

Honestly, it surprised me. The more I got to know him, the more I realized he was everything I wanted in a man.

This wasn’t a superficial checklist like “must look like Brad Pitt.” No, it had a deeper meaning: a good country boy, someone I could look up to, someone who was motivated, protective, and had a sense of humor. Gosh, his laugh could light up a room.

It’s embarrassing to admit it, but when we met, I just had this feeling of, “Oh, he’s here.”

I know, it’s a lot of pressure for a man. But I think I acted cool – I mean, I didn’t show it, there was no bunny boiler atmosphere here. I tried not to drool.

However, unlike the distant, anxious-avoidant me of previous years, I decided to drop the game and be vocal about my feelings. For example, after our first official sleepover, I texted him, “I’m obsessed with you.”

I know, it’s embarrassing. It’s very bad for the brand. But I did it.

When he responded that I felt the same way, I was thrilled, so I was sure this trip to Couple Town would go well. Maybe I’d even put up a billboard ad announcing that I was finally off the marriage market.

I’m kidding. I’m kidding.

So, to be left out in the cold after a few months was a huge blow to my heart (and vagina).

But now that I’ve had time to process it, I have to admit with shame that this disappearance wasn’t a big surprise. And, dare I say it, it was probably my fault.

Once I let go of my slightly shattered ego, I realized the signs had been there.

He was never really keen on it.

I learned this after stumbling upon a self-help Instagram account.

Yes, my name is Jana Hocking and I subscribe to their show. Feel free to judge.

Anyway, here’s a chic black and white video featuring a wise old man uttering this gem:

“If you’re holding onto someone who’s made it clear they’re not good for you, it’s all your fault. Take responsibility. If someone shows you their true colors, believe them. It’s not what they say, it’s what they do. If the actions don’t align, it’s time to go in another direction.”

coin.

This made me take a hard look at the relationship. The man I was dating at the time was all talk and no action. He would call me babe or sweetheart and it made my heart flutter. What can I say, it was reminiscent of Rip and Beth in Yellowstone.

But then he would disappear for days, sending my cortisol levels soaring, and when he reappeared it was with earth-shattering news that made me feel like a millionaire.

Yet, in three months, I had only seen him three times, one of which was on my birthday, and despite countless text messages, voicemails, flirty texts, and phone calls, we had only two dates and one birthday party.

I realized that it was actually my fault that he disappeared. I was so obsessed that I paid too much attention to his words and ignored his actions – which, to be honest, were pretty boring.

His behavior screamed, “I will never date you properly.” I just couldn’t hear it. So the cold shoulder was inevitable. I just didn’t take responsibility. I ignored my instincts.

Here are some signs you might be about to be haunted:

1. They are vague about their future plans: This sounds obvious, but it can be distracting when you’re all heart emojis. Phrases like “I’ll check my diary when I get home” or “Let’s do this next week” are red flags.

2. Inconsistency between words and actions: Compliments and late night texts may make you feel special, but without action, they are just talk. They are just enjoying the attention with no intention of following through.

3. They won’t read your text messages for hours: This hurts me a lot. My people usually respond to me around 10pm, which is not considered a “priority”.

4. Insufficient excuses: We planned a date, and when I suggested going out to dinner instead of eating in, he suddenly remembered he had a work meeting. Spoiler: He didn’t.

If they’re not interested in a suitable date, the chances of you being left out are high.

This experience was a masterclass in He’s Just Not That Into You. Sex and the City be damned.

So what have we learned? Don’t just listen to your heart. Maybe check out your brain, too. The signs are always (annoyingly) there.

For the record, though, I still think this is an ad–k move.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of “Similar Boyfriends” | @jana_hocking