Five books about the joys of aging

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I wanted to hear stories about the joys and privileges of getting older. But all my timelines were filled with negativity about hormones and aging. TikTok videos, Instagram posts, and articles from every major news outlet were designed to tell me all the ways my estrogen decline would accompany a decline in my quality of life. Perimenopause is associated with depression, hair loss, skin-related changes, and urinary tract issues. It makes it hard to sleep. It gives you a runny nose. And — happily — estrogen deficiency actually causes dopamine cells in the brain to die.

I’m 37, so this information about perimenopause may be limited to my personal thoughts. But I think it’s also the trend of the times. There is more information about aging now than ever before – both medical and anecdotal.

This makes sense. We’ve become so used to sharing every aspect of our lives online that this is a comprehensive move. It’s also a corrective. Due to the combined effects of sexism and ageism, these topics are not only taboos that menstruating women don’t want to talk about, but they are also understudied, undertheorized, and undertreated. The mainstream medical establishment has long failed to both study and adequately address women’s issues.

Recent and upcoming books such as What’s new?: Perimenopause, menopause, other stigmas, And you By Heather Corrinna and Hot flashes: How the law ignores menopause and what we can do about it The work of Emily Gold Waldman, Bridget J. Crawford, and Naomi R. Cahn, as well as publications like Gloria that directly target older women, have helped to correct this situation. The same is true of mainstream narratives that center on women’s later life, such as Julia and hackerThey provide women with the information and power to move more easily into their later years. I am grateful for the progress these media have helped us make.

But sometimes, the array of possible troubles brought on by hormonal changes makes me want to retreat to my room and hide from the abyss of insomnia that is about to set in. Here are some of the books I might take with me.

Miranda July’s All Fours

Read Miranda Jolie’s new book Get on all foursThe story of an unnamed 45-year-old wife and mother who attempts a road trip that only makes it to a few towns at a time feels like a deep dive into a Reddit thread about hormones and midlife. She starts focusing on the coming hormonal changes when she realizes her sleepless nights are the result of falling estrogen levels. Somewhere online, the woman found a chart showing a dramatic drop in estrogen levels. She assumes it means the same thing for her sex drive.

“We’re about to fall off a cliff,” she told a friend. “In a few years, we’re going to be completely different people.”

In reality, this woman’s libido was surging. She had tricked her husband and children into thinking she was driving across the country on a business trip, only to develop a relationship with a young aspiring dancer who washed her windshield at a nearby gas station. She was already exploring herself and her limits, but this impending decline prompted a life-changing change.

One of my favorite parts of the book is that in an effort to dispel all of these fears, the woman asks her old friends about the positives of her hormonal changes, and their responses are heartening, showing improvements in her mental health, self-image, and self-worth. In the end, the woman can’t even find the chart that got her stuck. Away from anxiety-inducing internet searches, she finds hope in the stories of those around her. These stories are more Golden GirlsComedy, about the joys of awaiting old age, can be a comfort.

The Tree Doctor by Marie Mutsuki Mockett

exist Tree DoctorAnother unnamed wife and mother found herself in the midst of a midlife awakening, alienated from her family. But her alienation was not self-inflicted. In March 2020, she left her emotionally unavailable husband and their daughter to return to her ailing mother’s home in California. As COVID-19 disrupted her plans and her mother was admitted to a nursing facility, she was stuck at home and tending to her mother’s meticulously maintained garden.

Her interactions were first limited to her family and the students she was teaching. Exchange story Chatting via Zoom — until she met a man called the Tree Doctor at a local nursery. She and the Tree Doctor began tending her mother’s garden together. Over time, they began caring for each other. But most importantly, the protagonist began caring for herself. With this new focus, she opened and blossomed alongside the trees and flowers.

Tree Doctor It is a beautifully written book. It is a real treat to watch the seasons change in the garden as the protagonist learns about the complexity of the garden and his own complexity at the same time.

This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carven

In the recent book club selections, This is not a book about Benedict CumberbatchTabitha Kavan talks about a particular joy she’s discovered in midlife – a wholehearted appreciation for Benedict Cumberbatch. There was a time when Kavan wasn’t quite sure what she liked. The challenges of motherhood, combined with society’s disdain for women’s preferences, had somehow robbed her of her sense of self. She’d forgotten what moved her.

Carvin loved Britpop as a child. But that love eventually faded when she realized that even the bands she loved seemed to think their female fans weren’t serious. Carvin places her story in a larger historical context, where female fans have long been mocked and disdained, while the typical male fan associated with sports teams has been praised.

Discovering her love for Benedict Cumberbatch helped Kavan begin a process of self-redemption. This new obsession helped her make time and space for her own desires. It helped her find community and examine her own beliefs and those that made a lasting impression on her. This ultimately inspired her to write a book. Through her exploration, Kavan gave herself permission to commit to something she loved, and in the process, provided readers with a blueprint and plea to do the same.

The Adventures of Amina Alsirafi by Shannon Chakraborty

exist The Adventures of Amina Sirafi By Shannon Chakraborty Amina Al-Sirafi has retired. She has sworn off a life of high seas piracy in order to care for and protect her daughter, Marjana. In their secluded home, she enjoys this quiet family life, ignoring the desire to return to her old adventures. But when the mother of a long-lost crew member asks her to help find her kidnapped daughter, Amina is forced to agree.

Returning to the sea is like coming home for Amina, despite her mixed feelings about leaving Maljana and the other home they shared. As she rediscovers her abandoned pirate identity, she must also remember her identity as a mother. World-weary and not yesterday’s story, Amina is a terrifying middle-aged sex-positive fantasy heroine that I never thought I’d meet. It’s been so much fun watching her return to adventuring.

Matrix by Lauren Groff

matrixLauren Grove’s semi-historical retelling of Marie de France’s life begins when she’s seventeen, but the action doesn’t really get going until de France enters middle age. In 12th-century France, she’s sent to serve as abbess of a crumbling convent whose sisters are sick and hungry. Guided by visions, de France leads the nuns in rebuilding and protecting their home, creating a world for women where they can be safe and cared for. De France’s quest isn’t limited to power; she finds pleasure, too. This is an unexpectedly sexy book—Grove says she structures the plot itself as a series of rings that mirror female orgasms.

Grove’s de France is mysterious, sensual, ambitious, a female force, an eccentric poet. These qualities only grow with age. De France transcends all the limitations imposed on her by her time and position, becoming almost divine.

Sam is a writer based in Brooklyn. She’s a former bike courier and marathon runner with a love of adventure. She’s passionate about all forms of literary fiction and nonfiction, but has a soft spot for weird and dystopian themes.