4 Ways to Let Go and Learn to Enjoy Oral Sex | Sex

“Getting eaten out” never sounded very appealing to me. The phrase seems to imply the presence of a substance thick enough to be eatenSorry if this is unpleasant. Having someone perform oral sex on me has always drawn my imagination into some sort of power fantasy or other—a positive. I offer this quick comparison to show how changing one’s thinking can make a significant difference in how one feels. While I have always enjoyed having my fire flower licked, sucked, kissed, caressed, slapped, penetrated by an eager tongue or careful finger, etc., I can’t say there haven’t been times when I was too distracted by my anxiety to be present or receptive. When you feel like this, it can seem impossible to feel it or like it. Sometimes the anxieties that invade us are a form of self-consciousness, and other times they are more external than that.

Whatever the specific nature of your relationship with the cunning and brilliant goddess known as Cunnilingus, if you want to better enjoy your partner’s lips and tongue, I humbly offer the following 4 tips for letting go and fully enjoying oral sex.

1. Understand that society is at least partly responsible

My point is, if you feel like your pussy might be too gross to lick, it’s essential to understand that the relationship between your pussy and your mind isn’t immune to the misogyny that surrounds it. Research has repeatedly shown that not only is there an oral sex gap (between heterosexual partners, men typically receive more than they give), but there’s also a pleasure gap. In other words, people with pussies tend to enjoy oral sex less than those with penises.

Sex educator Cassandra Corrado thinks messages about vaginas are to blame. “There’s a lot of messaging in our society that basically tells us ‘vaginas are dirty,’” she says. “So chances are, if you have a vagina, you spend your life feeling self-conscious about how it smells, looks, tastes, or all of those things. That self-consciousness carries over into your sex life, making it really hard to relax. You might be so insecure about these things that you don’t even want to ask for (or allow) oral sex.” Sound familiar? That means you’re seeing that you’re not alone, which is a great first step.

2. Realize that your pussy is actually a sensual delight.

For starters, every vagina is different from the last, but it’s one to admire and adore nonetheless. If you think you need a labiaplasty to look like a mainstream porn star, you simply don’t, and it can be downright dangerous to your most delicate parts. Pleasure doesn’t care about its appearance to explode with bliss, my dear, and that goes for your pleasure as well. to confrontAnd if you’re not concerned about appearance but rather taste or smell, consider the words of Cosmo Frank: “You may think your vagina is gross/weird/smelly, but men don’t. We think vaginas are awesome. No, we’re not lying to you. Yes, vaginas smell, but in a good way. Just make sure you don’t douche (it’s unhealthy) and douche regularly, and you’ll be fine.” While the general opinions of men (or partners of any gender) shouldn’t rule your life, it’s helpful to hear these things expressed openly sometimes.

Believing that your partner enjoys giving you oral sex (or they wouldn’t!) is an uphill climb for some. If you don’t care about how you smell or taste, you might worry that it’ll take forever and that your partner will lose patience or find you difficult/defective. In fact, they’ll probably never try that kind of silly thing again, right? Wrong. I mean, if you don’t mind it, you won’t. East actually, it is, find a new partner, because they are defective, I just say. But here’s the thing: your smell and taste can be a powerful aphrodisiac, thanks to the pheromones in your juices that were created to drive your partner wild. I mean, the sight of your engorged and aroused vulva alone can turn your partner on too.

3. Find ways to communicate and connect

I talk about both while receiving oral sex And fully clothed, it can’t hurt. In other words, not Communication tends to cause a lot more anxiety than communication itself, and that’s saying a lot, let’s be real. So first, if you’re anxious about being spoken to, talk about it whenever you feel like it, in bed or out. You might be surprised how much simply discussing your fears openly can help them fade, perhaps by increasing mutual knowledge or adding humor. Not to mention, your partner probably has insecurities of their own and may feel more comfortable bringing them up if you start an honest conversation.

If you tend to feel disconnected while your partner is down, ask them to hold your hand, hips, or butt; ask them to fondle your breasts or pinch your nipples; ask for eye contact; ask for dirty talk; ask for occasional face-to-face breaks. You never know how your partner’s receptiveness to such requests can completely change your experience. Also, tell them what feels good and what doesn’t feel good, you know, on a physical level. While it’s not as easy for some of us to express our needs while feeling sexy, it’s necessary and it does get easier. You don’t need to know how to instruct a partner on every specific detail of what you want. Instead, try simply giving them your opinion on what you want in the heat of the moment. This can also become a mutual practice, leading to hotter, more communicative sex. Words like “faster,” “slower,” “louder,” “softer,” and “more” are all possibilities waiting to be explored.

4. Stop putting pressure on yourself

You don’t have to be or act a certain way that you’ve seen in movies or porn. You don’t have to make noise. You don’t have to be quiet. You don’t have to stay still, or writhe, or claw, or gasp. You don’t have to be in control, and you don’t have to lose control. You don’t have to cum. You don’t have to cum within a set time frame. You don’t have to squirt. You don’t have to stop yourself from squirting. You don’t have to be anything other than present in your body and comfortable with your partner and the mutual pleasure that’s playing out.

If you know all the reasons why you should relax during oral sex but you’re still struggling, try some breathing exercises to improve your sex: As a basic exercise, you can try inhaling for four counts, then exhaling for four counts. Measured breathing helps your muscles release tension and relax, which helps your mind remember what it really means to take a break.

Because we all deserve to fully experience pleasure.