Older, inexperienced, and learning

I feel like I am inexperienced. My husband has been with more women than I have been with men, which in itself is not a problem. However, I feel like the women he has been with are much more experienced than I am. He never complains and says I am the best lover he has ever had, but I just don’t know. My first husband was inconsiderate and only liked me to use toys when he was not home. Even then, the toys should not be bigger than he was. He did want to do what he wanted when he wanted, and even wanted anal sex, but didn’t want toys to enhance his libido. He was an ex for good reasons. Hubby now loves anal sex, we have beads and he is very patient. However, as I get older, even towards perimenopause and menopause, I find that I like some sensation play. I like pain, but the stinging wheel (sorry, terrible wording) is too small. I would rather have a bigger sensation than a pins and needles feeling. I also seem to like cryogenic play. Getting hit with freezing cold water the other day was also quite a turn on, and I wasn’t here for sex. Can anyone recommend something that doesn’t cause pins and needles of pain (we do have paddles etc) but does poke people (think blunt instead of pointy – something that can press) and is good for temperature play, especially low temperature play for anal or vaginal play? If I’m making this too confusing, please ask. I know this is probably more than you guys need. Any BDSM requires explicit consent from my husband. He and I have discussed using a safe word as we move closer to more pain play.

View Reddit by IcyFairyDuchess – View Source