Your Trusted Guide to a Healthy Breakup | Aldult Toys Blog

When a relationship ends, everyone suffers. There are plenty of great songs that speak to this. Deciding to break up with someone (and doing it) can be a nerve-wracking and guilt-ridden experience, especially if you still care about your soon-to-be ex. And if you do get a breakup (especially a surprise one), the whole ordeal can break your heart into a million little pieces.

Whether you’re the one who left or the one who was left, it’s very easy to experience a breakup as a “negative” life event. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that it takes about 11 weeks to recover after breakupbut for many it takes much longer (years).

Despite all this, however, there is East There is such a thing as a healthy breakup. Besides, who says pain can’t be good for you sometimes?

What exactly is a healthy breakup?

Love and life coach Nicole Boyar has a real idea of ​​the answer to this question. “There are three main ingredients that make a healthy breakup: deep reflection, good communication and above all, a lot of self-love,” “For a breakup to be healthy, you need to have space to process your emotions, both with the other person and, most importantly, with yourself. Explore what you’re feeling and why. Ask yourself questions. And most importantly, don’t judge yourself or your feelings.” She goes on to explain that even if a breakup is “healthy,” whether it’s amicable or mutual, it’s normal to experience an emotional roller coaster. “You may feel deep loss, confusion, shock, withdrawal… how you handle those emotions is what determines whether or not the breakup is healthy.”

If you’re wondering how to best overcome the worst emotional heartbreak of your life, Boyar lays out a chart of what not to do. “If you catch yourself acting out in any way—numbing, distracting, or keeping busy—you’re entering unhealthy territory. This could include trying to hurt the other person with your words or actions, drinking or using substances to numb your emotions, looking for a rebound to distract yourself, or doing anything else to avoid feeling your feelings. These behaviors are quicksand, so if you catch yourself doing them, get back on track.”

While getting back on track probably seems easier said than done, recognizing potentially unhealthy behaviors is half the battle, my friends.

How to break up with someone

Be quick, clear, firm and kind. Don’t be vague or gentle in an attempt to spare their feelings, as this will only make matters worse by confusing the whole matter. To help you To communicate clearly, it can be helpful to start by sitting down and identifying why you want to end the relationship, as well as how you want to express it to the other person. It could be a specific thing they did or didn’t do, a buildup of unresolvable issues, or just a general but unwavering feeling. Writing things down can help you keep track of your emotions, as can practicing talking to an objective friend. Overall, try to acknowledge and validate the positive aspects of the relationship rather than ending things by pointing fingers or ghosting a partner. Important: While the goal may be to spare the other person’s feelings,You will go through your own grief. Help yourself through it by not blaming yourself.

How to deal with a breakup?

Since going through a breakup can be like returning to death, it’s all the more important to be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. Breathe. Inhale before you react. Or: don’t react right away if you’re not ready. The other person has had time to think, so take your time before responding with questions or just… feelings. Ask for time to process the breakup and express that you’d like to talk about it later, when you’re ready. That way, you’ll have the time, space, and privacy to deal with your raw emotions, whatever they may be. After the breakup, even if every cell in your body is telling you to isolate and hide, you may want to call a family member or friend. Sometimes (not always), talking to someone you feel comfortable with can help you work through even the most difficult emotions.

Ugly breakups

Maybe you were cheated on or are on very bad terms for other reasons. Maybe you cheated on your partner. Maybe you dated a narcissist or some other type of abuser. It is completely normal for there to be a lot of anger in such cases (among other emotions). This anger needs to be processed and released so that it does not turn into full-blown violent rage. PSA: Anger, like other emotions, is in good health. It is only when it is repressed, bottled up, and stagnant that it becomes a kind of disease. The trick is to find a way to channel it so that we can let it go. When we don’t release our anger, it usually ends up manifesting itself in extraordinarily disordered and undignified ways. Have you ever broken a window, set someone’s belongings on fire, or tried to humiliate them in public? Maybe you dragged their name through the mud on Facebook. How did it happen? That’s it. While your unbridled rage may be justified, sometimes you take the right route. is more conducive to your own healing.

Breakup Do’s and Don’ts

Whether you’re the one giving up or the one being given up, consider the following dos and don’ts. Some apply to one end of the experience rather than the other, while others cut both ways.

– Do it in person whenever possible. And in private rather than in public. You know, so your partner can respond emotionally if necessary. Avoid breaking up at home so that when the conversation is over, your partner doesn’t have to go home. Note: If you’re concerned about your safety, there’s no good reason to stick to the “in person” rule.

– Be honest. It will hurt your partner even more if you don’t acknowledge the real reasons for the breakup. Avoid vagueness. That said, there’s no reason to be blunt about it.

– Don’t comfort your partner. Even if you want to, you can’t support your ex during the breakup. This includes breakup sex – resist! Getting involved in each other will only make things worse.

– Avoid blaming others. It is very possible that just one person did something that brought the whole house of cards down cruelly. However, do your best to listen to the other person without defending yourself or pointing fingers, as this can quickly escalate into an argument. If you are in the process of breaking up, you can put the arguments behind you.

– Mourn your loss. Take the time and space you need to get over the end of your relationship. Don’t fight it if you feel vulnerable. Cry your eyes out. Tear a pillow to shreds. Treat yourself to a few small treats if they help.

– Make a clean break. Don’t give false hope and don’t leave the relationship open. Show respect for your partner’s feelings by cutting off all contact. Staying in touch or checking what your ex is doing on Facebook will only prolong the pain.

– Do You. Do what you love, treat yourself, eat well, sleep well, reconnect with friends. As cliché as it may sound, every ending is an opportunity for a new beginning.

– Socialize, in moderation. Spending time with family and friends can be life-saving, but avoid obsessive analysis whenever possible. Also, while it may be tempting to bounce on Tinder while it’s hot and fresh, not dating until you’re really excited about the idea can help speed up that heart-healing.

– Don’t try to be friends. Unless time has passed and you have both moved on, transitioning to friendship too early can lead to uncertainty and more pain.

Ultimately, a “healthy” breakup allows both parties to Ultimately Look back on the breakup (and the relationship) with dignity, clarity, and purposeful reflection. To do this, you need to prioritize your emotional health for as long as it takes. While many people view breakups as failures, the only measure of “success” is how much you learn and grow as a human being. It doesn’t matter what happened or who ultimately broke up, really. feel your feelings This is the only key to healing and moving forward, baby. <3