Unintentional Sexual Pressure in Marriage: The Hidden Problem

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On Thursday, I talked about the harm we can do to our wives by forcing them to do things they don’t want to do. Today I want to apply that topic to sex. But there’s an additional challenge here; many men don’t know they’re doing this, or their wives are doing it for them.

If you and your wife had sex before marriage, she will feel an urge to both have sex and do what will give you the most enjoyment. Regardless of how she feels about it. It’s a cultural thing, and you don’t have to say or do anything for her to feel that way and possibly give in to it. The same thing will happen if you wait until intercourse, although it’s less likely.

We once did a survey asking married women if they thought anything they did sexually was a sin. In addition to the 28% who said yes, another 14% said they were doing things they thought might be sins. In addition to that, there were a number of women who were doing things they didn’t think were sins, but they didn’t enjoy, felt uncomfortable or painful, or didn’t get any pleasure from.

Reasons women give for doing this include pressure from their husbands, knowing he really enjoys it, and fear that sex won’t work without it. Also, some started doing these things before they got married because they felt they had no choice and now don’t know how to get out of it.

If you “benefit” from these things, know that it won’t last forever. Doing things that she doesn’t think are right, exciting, or offensive to her will hurt her. This will reduce her enjoyment of sex, eventually make her lose interest in sex, and may even cause her to resent you; even if you don’t know what’s going on.

If you want to make sure this isn’t a hidden problem in your marriage, talk to your wife. You can refer to this article and tell her that you are very sorry if you have ever done anything that caused her to have sex that she didn’t want to have. Then tell her that you don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t like or that she thinks might be wrong.

Yes, it may cost you some of the things you enjoy. But it will make your wife happy and make her feel loved. It’s the right thing to do.

Image credit: © fmarsicano | stock.adobe.com
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