How to Heal and Have Sex After Trauma | Aldult Toys Blog

Sex can be an act of ultimate connection, both with another and with oneself. Getting physically intimate with a partner can mean taking the opportunity to leave your daily worries behind and have a sweet, ecstatic experience.

But while we all have this potential within us, many of us don’t have such a positive relationship with sex. Many of us are dealing with the lingering effects of trauma, and in case you haven’t heard, trauma can be a hindrance.

What trauma looks like

What constitutes trauma can vary greatly from person to person, as our experiences are all unique, as are our brains and nervous systems. That said, there is some general knowledge out there that can help us make sense of our personal trauma. For example, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) occurs when a person who experiences a traumatic event develops long-term residual effects that interfere with their daily life. Many also suffer the effects of Complex PTSDor PTSD. While PTSD typically occurs after a single traumatic event, PTSD is associated with repeated trauma over a longer period of time.

No matter how complex your personal form of trauma, one of the most common causes of trauma is sexual and/or domestic violence.

What the numbers say

Unfortunately, the statistics on sexual trauma are extremely disturbing. Recent global figures show that one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from a partner or sexual violence from a non-partner, and many of them first experienced it as children or teenagers.

The majority of this abuse is domestic violence, unlike the stranger-in-a-dark-alley narrative that so many Hollywood movies like to portray.

A Association of American Universities 2015 Survey revealed that more than 20% of female students report having experienced non-consensual sexual contact.

Of course, Sexual violence affects people of all genderswith different risk factors depending on race, disability, sexual orientation and other factors.

Worse yet, all of these statistics are usually higher than the numbers show, because many, if not most, cases of sexual assault go unreported. Trauma is very common.

As devastating as all of this is, there is are ways to heal, and there are East I hope you can fully live in your body again and enjoy the hot sex life you desire and deserve. While every situation is unique, the first step is to understand how trauma can manifest in your sex life.

The Impact of Trauma on Sexual Intimacy

Single or repeated incidents of sexual trauma can seriously affect a person’s relationship to sex, sexuality and intimacy, both with themselves and with others.

The effects of sexual trauma can manifest in the following ways (among others):

Negative body image. It is common for survivors to have difficulty negative thoughts and feelings about their bodySome may even blame the violence on their physical appearance, feel a deep hatred of their body, or feel completely detached from their body. Not surprisingly, all of these things can make it difficult to experience sexual intimacy without severe anxiety setting in.

Hyperexcitement. If you’re a survivor, chances are your body is telling you you’re in danger, even when you’re not. Hyperarousal refers to the “arousal” felt in the nervous system of trauma survivors when they feel triggered. Hyperarousal can be triggered by a number of things, from specific sexual positions to certain words, smells, or anything else that sends an alarm signal. system on high alert (fight or flight mode) during or after intimacy.

Detachment. Many survivors feel some degree of detachment, dissociation, or disconnection from their bodies. during intimacy, even when they are in a safe relationship with a loving partnerThis is one of the ways the mind trying to shield the person from their mental or emotional presence, and thus running the risk of feeling pain. This type of disconnection can happen occasionally or be a constant, long-term struggle.

Flashbacks. Memories of sexual trauma can occur before, during, or after intimacy and can take the form of flashbacks and/or body memories. While flashbacks are characterized as intense (and often terrifying) traumatic memories that can make you feel like you’re reliving your trauma in the moment, body memories are physical sensations that trigger memories of that same trauma.

Practical tips for promoting healthy intimacy, when you’re ready

Whether you’re a survivor or the partner of a survivor (or both), consider the following tips to rekindle a hot, healthy sexual relationship.

Communicate. While strong communication is important enough for all couples, being able to clearly express your needs is especially crucial in relationships where one or both partners have a history of sexual trauma. Open and honest communication is essential to discuss boundaries and triggers, what turns you on and off, and post sex debriefing to ensure that both partners are on the same page. For couples who have difficulty communicating, working with a couples therapist who specializes in sexual trauma might be worth considering.

Know your limits. Setting boundaries is one way to ensure that what You The need to feel safe in an intimate context is both recognized and respected during sexual intercourse. Try make a list of your sexual limits and share them with your partner, and ask them to do the same. If for some reason you don’t do it If you feel safe, chances are you experience intimacy as a threat and/or trigger. While it’s easier said than done, try to assess whether or not you feel safe before getting intimate. Do you feel aroused? Anxious? Numb? Excited? Relaxed? If you notice that you’re not feeling well, press pause: you might make a connection safe word To make this easier, you’ll need to communicate with your partner about how you feel, whether it “makes sense” or not. Note: consent to sexual intimacy should in no way prevent you from changing your mind at any time.

Cultivate curiosity. Intimacy and connection thrive when couples explore their fantasies, desires, and foldsand there’s no reason why survivors of sexual trauma should shy away from it. In fact, many of them find that exploring kink can actually help them heal. Perhaps you are considering integrating BDSM Incorporate elements into your sex life. Regardless, discussing new ideas and exploring new territory can be very exciting. Just make sure to keep the conversation (communication!) going. If something feels uncomfortable, forced, or triggering, stop and reevaluate it when you both feel balanced and calm.

Prioritize pleasure. Intimacy is all about connection and pleasure. Its goal should never be to fit a mold or seek out someone else’s notion of “perfection.” Instead, each partner’s pleasure should be the priority. If you need to pause an intimate moment because you or your partner feels triggered or has a body memory, that’s okay—it’s part of the experience. Last Minute: Sex/Intimacy does not necessarily have to end in orgasmand there is no need for there to be a set of specific characteristics. Focus on pleasure, safety, presence and connection in mind and body, and the rest will follow.

Bottom line: Having a history of sexual trauma can leave you with a lifetime of healing to do and a lot of (re)negotiation of your relationship to sex, but with the right partner and/or a commitment to self-love, A fulfilling and fulfilling sex life is within your reach. You can do it. <3