Denial of Sex and Porn Addiction

Dr. Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT

Hypersexuals and porn addicts rarely view their sexual behavior as the cause of their unhappiness and life challenges. Even when they are deeply mired in the consequences, they don’t allow themselves to view sex and porn as contributing factors. In fact, they often view their sexual behavior as a solution to various life problems, rather than the cause of them.

As a result, sex and porn addicts are almost always unaware of the costs of their addiction until a major crisis hits. Until then, they ignore obvious warning signs: damaged relationships, workplace reprimands, social and emotional isolation, financial problems, etc. They simply refuse to see or are unable to see the destructive effects of their sexual fantasies and behaviors. This is their denial.

Unlike non-addicts, who use past mistakes and consequences as a guide for future decision-making, sex and porn addicts choose to ignore the obvious relationship between their problem and addiction. They unhesitatingly place the pursuit of sex at the top of their priorities, no matter the cost. They ignore the many warning signs of a serious problem and instead rationalize, minimize, and justify their behavior, often blaming others for the consequences they face.

• If my wife wasn’t so callous I wouldn’t need to watch porn.
• If my boss wasn’t such a jerk, I wouldn’t need to go to massage parlors to de-stress.
• If my partner hadn’t gained so much weight, I wouldn’t have cheated on her.

For some sex and porn addicts, this willful ignorance can continue for years. In fact, when confronted with questions as basic as their adult sexual and relationship history in the early stages of treatment, many porn addicts finally “discover” the extent and depth of their addictive behaviors and are shocked by the results.

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If you or someone you love is struggling with sex, pornography, or drug/sex addiction, Seeking Integrity can help. In addition to inpatient rehab, we offer low-cost online workgroups for newly recovered male sex addicts and male pornography addicts. Click here for information about our sex addiction workgroup. Click here for information about our pornography addiction workgroup.