Pillows, porn, and pee: weird Japanese sex toys and

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As someone who has walked the crowded streets of Akihabara, I know what Japan can really produce (and we haven’t even counted the lackluster stuff found at TEN STORY SEX SHOP).

Among the endless amounts of zany, wacky and weird, you can find…

Weird dildo

this “monster Ikaklai“(right) It looks like a cactus growing in some kind of jelly desert, while the tentacle penis sleeve (left) turns your penis a sickly grey color with little mushroom-like things growing out of the sides.

It wouldn’t be weird at its best if we didn’t at least nod our heads in agreement. Hello KittyThe country’s obsession with cuteness even extends to their vibrators.

But none of these can compare Chissai Ojisan Tobikko Vibrator.

Adapted from “Chiisai Prince Mountain” (小叔 – translated as “little uncle”), this yokai (Japanese spirit) ranges in size from 10 to 50 cm and is said to bring good luck (equivalent to the oriental fairies or goblins).

Why does he look like a bald accountant?

A film called “Chiisai Otani’s Diary” （Diary of an Old Man) put a new spin on this idea, turning him into a “salaryman”

notes: Salaried people are those people who carry the same briefcase, wear black suits, and have greased clothes – the typical office worker.

Throw all of this into the sex toy industry and you end up with Big dick uncle.

Pillow

The pillow sounds cute and could be something from IKEA. While the pillow itself is nothing special, itHis reporting was a completely different story.

On one side was a scantily clad girl, her breasts bulging out of her barely fitting shirt, her legs spread wide, her panties gone.

Flipping over, the girl was now on her hands and knees with her butt in the air, looking over her shoulder with a hopeful look in her eyes.

Did I mention they all looked sweaty and greasy? – It’s like they were coated in lube, vaseline or…something.

Drool Tongue Teddy Bear

Did you know that everything can be made into porn?

It doesn’t take much of a transformation to go from the beer-drinking, hooker-loving bear in TED to something even raunchier.

Yes, I did find that porn clip online.

When you actually see the result, however, you find it both disturbing and hilarious — not least because it looks like a Toys R Us bear with a slimy tongue stuffed in its mouth and a man’s penis stuck between its legs off-camera.

Considering it comes from the land of octopus porn, I guess it could be worse.

Oh, and about tentacle porn… while the genre itself is… well… unique, The history behind it is actually quite interesting…

Learn more about this porn genre here:

The History of Tentacle Porn – Missionary, Slut Scrolls, and Censorship

Masturbator

You can’t go five feet without tripping over this male masturbator.

To be honest, they are everywhere.

While the existence of pocket pussy is nothing new (think Fleshlight and Bad Dragon), they suffer from the same problems as the others. “How can I make it different and special so that people will want to buy it?”

Fleshlight makes supernatural/monsters. Bad Dragon makes dragons and other mythical creatures. Onahole can do everything else.

From vagina models of famous Japanese porn stars to vagina models of “older” women, there are even “hard tentacle” models – which look like ribbed burritos with some wrinkled French fries stuck in the hole.

Also, for laughs, add the word “pee”. Then, they can put any comic/anime character on the box.

breast

It’s not just vaginas that are imitated, breasts are imitated as well.

With 3D scanning, you can find almost any Japanese porn actress you can think of. However, they all appear to be about the same size.

I guess Hitomi Tanka (height 32JJ) doesn’t want to be involved.

Realistic sex dolls

Why settle for one body part when you can have the whole body? … sitting on your couch… staring at you with those soulless dead eyes – probably biding its time until you get comfortable and you don’t realize it’s about to open your ribs and harvest your organs so it can be a “real” girl.

My problem isn’t with sex dolls. It’s that their perpetual presence in the uncanny valley creeps me out.

body fluid

• Crossdresser Tears Lotion
• Young mother breast milk lubricant
• Menstrual scent
• The smell of a girl wrapped in a bath towel after bathing “fragrance”
• Urine Smell
• Little sister fragrance spray
• Mature teacher’s underwear smells
• Schoolgirl uniform scent

Word for word, excerpted from the packaging:

Product Description: “Cute Japanese high school student Nana’s menstrual cycle is packaged in this spray that you can spray on your favorite sex doll for extra realism or use when you want to get really naughty.”

I know these aren’t actually real Just various waters and lubricants with added scents…but how do you know the scent is right?

Who else test it?

I guess if I had to choose one… maybe the pillowcase… maybe. Chissai Ojisan Tobikko Vibrator Would be great as a joke gift.

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Also, if you want more crazy sex/toy articles, check out the Featured Articles section or these fun articles:

What other super weird Japanese sex toys or novelties have you come across? Share it in the comments!