5 Ways to Learn More About Gender – Girly Juice

I’m no gender expert, but I do think a lot about my gender. I think more people could do with this kind of deep thinking, whether they end up concluding that they’re cis, trans, or some kind of gender agnostic.

Socrates said “The unexamined life is not worth living” although I wouldn’t go That So far, I do think that unexamined gender can give you grief. Stumbling through life within prescribed gender roles without seriously questioning whether that role is right for you (or lack thereof) can breed resentment, anxiety, anger, insecurity, and depression. I’ve seen this happen – often with people who later find out they’re trans, but also with some cisgender people who come to reject traditional gender restrictions that have been causing them stress or hindrance. WHO explain Does a man or woman (or Eunby, for that matter) have to look and act a certain way? More importantly, do you want to listen to them?

With that in mind, here are 5 quick tips to help you explore your gender more deeply (if you haven’t already…)

work hard to finish My new gender workbook Kate Bernstein

An absolute classic among the queer and trans canon. I’m sure it has saved countless lives so far. This is a workbook that asks you questions about gender to help you understand yourself. Kate Bornstein is a non-binary icon and queer elder, and all of their books are great, but this one holds a special place in my heart because it’s so practical, thought-provoking, and full of kindness. I’ve given it to many, many people over the years, and many of them have told me they found it helpful.

talk to other people their gender

If you have trans and/or queer friends who are open-minded, you can find out what they think about gender: how they feel about themselves, what led to their current gender expression, whether they view gender as a spectrum or something else, etc. Proceed with caution, as this can be a sensitive topic for some people, and for good reason – trans people in particular are often expected to demonstrate and explain their gender in dehumanizing ways, so it’s quite reasonable if they don’t want to discuss it with you. But if they yes Sit down and chat, and you may find their insights enlightening. Ideas about gender also vary greatly across time and space, so you might get a very different answer from a lesbian poet in Bushwick than a trans escort in Melbourne or a drag performer in Paris.

Try on clothes you don’t normally wear

Clothes are one of the main ways we express gender in the world, so it makes sense that changing the way you dress can be one of the most impactful, yet scary, ways to step outside of your comfort zone when it comes to your gender. Unfortunately, rampant transphobia can sometimes make it tricky or downright unsafe to do this in public (which is too bad; everyone should be safe to experience the joy of a fitting room glow moment!!), but at least, you can do it in the privacy of your own home. You could borrow clothes from a friend or partner (hopefully with their permission!), go to a local thrift store, or maybe even just alter some clothes you already own. Try a new gender size expression and notice how it feels!

Keep a Gender Envy Diary

I forget which trans friend of mine introduced me to the concept of “gender jealousy,” but it’s such a special feeling that now I always notice it when it comes up! Sometimes I see a person walking down the street, or a character in the media, who triggers a feeling of longing within me. It is a specific desire to look like that person, dress like them, act like them, talk like them, and/or be perceived the way they do. For example, Jane Lane Dalia and Spinelli from recess was the first character I felt that way about – and to this day I still like to dress tough women/soft men like them, with black leather boots and pointy-shouldered jackets.

Part of self-discovery is mindfulness: noticing what things continue to illuminate and engage you. Start keeping a journal of all the people and characters you feel gender jealous of, and you may notice some helpful patterns after a while!

Make a list of adjectives

I don’t know about you, but when I try to define someone’s gender (including my own), I find that terms like “male” and “female” are quite limited in scope. These concepts are highly dependent on time, place, socioeconomic background, etc., and ultimately they can feel imprecise (or completely off-topic) to those of us who are completely off the beaten path.

So instead of trying to position yourself on the binary gender spectrum, ask yourself which adjectives describe the gender you find most dreamy. (It’s okay if it changes over time, or even from day to day!) For example, here are some adjectives mine Current specific queer-cis-female gender: brash, funny, charming, dapper, sharp, swaggering, sparkling, slutty, irreverent, and smart. What words come to mind?

Dear reader, how deeply have you explored your gender? Did any of these methods help you?

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Relevant