5 Ways to Create a Little Spark with Your Partner | Sex

Ahh, the old story of “sexual initiation.”

Personally, I have a long and sordid history of relationships with men who have significantly lower libidos than I do, and up until my most recent relationship, it was a never-ending source of stress for me. Crazy enough, I’d say half of the stress came not from my sex life, but from the continued simplification of sex life. myth that men are more horny than women. I have always found this notion deeply questionable, dismissive of my experiences, and therefore oppressive.

Perhaps partly because of the political perception of my higher desires, I have tried to initiate men into sex in ways that got me nowhere fast. One ex even told me I was pressuring him, when I thought I was just trying my best to be attractive. The fact is, sexual initiation isn’t always that simple. Some of us throw ourselves at our partners in ways that don’t necessarily excite us, and others of us let our partners take the lead even when our desire is strong. This, of course, comes with a whole host of problems related to lack of communication.

Whether your relationship is old or new, and whether the frequency and quality of your sex life has been negatively impacted by Covid or not, consider these 5 ways to light that fire, baby.

1. Lower the stakes

As someone who suffers from an overdeveloped sense of urgency, I can’t stress this enough. Yes, sex can feel urgent, especially if you’re really in the mood. But therein lies the trap. If you start kissing, touching, or caressing your partner and they’re just not in the mood, do your best not to take it personally. After all, we can’t all be turned on at the same time all the time. If you feel like the sexual dynamic is truly one-sided and constantly stressful, talk to a friend or even a therapist and work on building your confidence and gaining a new perspective.

2. Share your anticipation

There is no need to be spontaneous all the time, and there is no need to surprise your partner with sex in the moment. Especially if you have trouble expressing your desire, try to express it as it arisesby texting them, sexting them, kissing them in ways normally reserved for the bedroom, and even hinting at candlelit plans you’re making. This way, your man or woman can get turned on with and when you find yourselves alone, you never know what might happen.

3. Get out more

Let’s be real: Covid has taken away a lot of things from many of us, and kissing is one of them. I haven’t conducted any studies, but I’d venture to say that public displays of affection are at an all-time low. Hell, in the Philippines, they’re totally forbidden. I mean, there’s just something about mask-wearing, sanitizing, and an ongoing global pandemic that doesn’t inspire those shameless public displays of affection of a bygone era (sob). But I say, if it’s still allowed where you live, you should feel free to (safely!) show your love. The problem is, even in private, it’s way too easy for newer relationships to fall into the trap of don’t kiss unless sex is explicitly on the table. It’s a shame, my friends. Desire doesn’t work in an all-or-nothing mode. The more you feel free to express your love and desire through intense caresses that don’t necessarily go all the way, the more the floodgates of your mutual desire will remain open to whatever the moment brings. True spontaneity, after all, is not a pressure situation, but a little nudge to take the plunge.

4. Pure and simple seduction

There are many ways to get your partner in the mood, and how you do it will depend almost entirely on who your partner is as a person, what turns them on. Only you know. Maybe a costume change is in order: maybe you want to buy some new lingerie and show it off to your partner, or maybe you have a naughty teacher outfit just waiting to be pulled out of the closet. Or, if your partner tends to respond more to tactile stimuli than visual ones, you could play the role of professional masseuse. Need I say more?

5. Communicate to fornicate

In my opinion, the most important piece of advice anyone can give you when you’re looking to have sex more often is: communicate! It’s the simplest yet most complex thing we humans are capable of doing, and it’s an absolute must for anyone in a romantic/sexual relationship. It’s not always easy, but if you’re feeling very turned on, it’s best to tell your partner. What they do with that information is up to them, and it’s up to you to work on not feeling rejected if they’re not always on the same page. The most important thing here is to learn to own your desire.

Bottom line: Life is complicated, tiring, and downright hellish at times. When it comes to sex, don’t feel like you have to wait for the “perfect moment” every time, because it may not come. But what we can When the mood strikes, we must grab life (or a partner) by the horns and make our intentions known. <3