4 Ways to Use Communication to Improve Your Sex Life | Sex

Unfortunately, for most people, talking about sex is still considered taboo. Bringing up the topic of sex and its desires can make the conversation even more uncomfortable. Talking to your partner about what you like or what you want to try in bed can feel awkward and strange. But not Talking about what you want can cause problems in other parts of your relationship.

For example, if you spend a lot of time reading DD/lg eroticism (Dom Daddy/little girl) and fantasize about calling your partner “daddy” during sex, but hesitate to talk about it, maybe because you think he’ll shame you for being into something society considers “taboo.” Not telling him about it and thinking he’ll shame you can lead you to hide other aspects of yourself from him. You may even start to resent him for not creating a safe space to talk about your kinks.

Here are some ways to make the conversation easier.

“What do you like?”

As simple as it may seem, this is the best place to start when opening up to your partner. When your partner responds, pay attention, give them a safe space, and don’t judge them. You shouldn’t make faces or say “yuck” when they confide in you. You should not only ask your partner what they’re interested in, but also share what you’re interested in.

Knowing your partner’s tastes will help you start your journey to becoming a better lover. You may discover that he simply wants more oral sex or foreplay. Or he may surprise you and tell you that he’s really into certain forms of BDSMIf they don’t know what they’re interested in, take the time to do some research and have fun with different activities. Remember, “Your inclination is not mine, but that’s okay.” My husband is interested in things that don’t give me any pleasure, but since they don’t hurt me, I indulge in them from time to time for his pleasure.

“Do you like it?”

Once you and your partner have figured out what you’re interested in and you’re starting to explore these new sexual outlets, be sure to stop and ask if he’s enjoying it. Checking in to see if he’s enjoying it will open up the conversation to see if he’s enjoying it as much as he thought he would or if he had something different in mind. It may seem strange to interrupt sexual activity to discuss what’s going on, but with practice, it will become part of the appeal.

For example, if you and your partner have agreed to try a little more teeth during oral sex, try rubbing your teeth along the shaft of his penis. If he doesn’t respond visually or audibly, pause and ask him if he liked it. He may respond with a word or two, or he may suggest you try it on the head of his penis. Keep the communication going when you’re trying new things in the bedroom. The more you communicate, the easier it really becomes.

“What can I do to please you?”

Sometimes my partner’s fingers feel like sandpaper on my clit, while other times they feel like silk sliding over my labia. When I find their fingertips too abrasive, I tell them it’s uncomfortable. They usually then ask, “What can I do to make you feel good?” or they try something else and ask, “Is this better?” That simple statement is enough to send new waves of pleasure through me, because it’s so erotic and sensual to be asked what they can do to make me feel good. Sometimes I suggest oral or that we use a toy. Other times, we’re in the middle of sex and my husband asks me what I want. In other words, what can I do to please you?

Asking your partner what you can do to please them allows them to tell you how they are feeling at that moment. You may find that they are feeling submissive and want to be tied up and teased, or that they are enjoying what you are already doing. This is also a great time to express what you want.

“I like it when you ______.”

I find myself using it a lot, I even integrate it into my dirty talk“I like it when you make a ‘C’ with your tongue on my clit,” “I like it when you throw my legs over your shoulders,” “I like it when you call me a bad girl and spank me.” There are many ways to use this phrase and it will open up the conversation to talk about what you and your partner like, or you can use it as a gateway to dirty talk in the heat of the moment.

If you have a hard time expressing what you like, text it when you’re sexting or talking about sex. Even a simple, “I miss you and can’t wait to feel your fingers in my hair,” can spark your partner’s imagination. It may feel strange at first to openly express that you like something your partner does, but it may encourage them to do it more.

Many couples who try to explore this type of communication find it difficult at first. Society considers talking about sex to be taboo and people feel uncomfortable talking about their kinks and activities they want to try, even with a confident and caring partner. But having this conversation can make your sex life much more fulfilling and you may discover that your partner shares some of your interests! Try using some of these questions and phrases to get the conversation started and, above all, have fun.

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