3 Powerful and Simple Ways to Rebuild Your Relationship

I want to share a little story with you…

In the new year, Xander got sick. When he felt something was happening, he said thoughtfully: “We probably shouldn’t kiss.”

Now, if you’ve been following us for a while, you probably know our rituals: We made out every night! Just kiss for the sake of kissing, without any expectation that anything will come of it (although sometimes it does!). This is one of our favorite ways to stay connected on a daily basis.

So when Xander suggested taking a break from our kissing, of course I agreed. That makes total sense – I don’t want to get sick, but it’s a little frustrating!

A few days passed, and thankfully, it was not serious. Xander started to feel better and one night he turned to me and said; “Hey, I think I’m fine now. Want to start kissing again?”

This is where things get…interesting.

I hesitated. Logically, I’m glad he’s feeling better and ready to get back to normal. But emotionally, I felt a bit of resistance. A little voice in my head said, “Well, we didn’t kiss, but that’s okay. Do we really need to start over?”

This surprised me. Kissing is something I enjoy doing with my partner, however, Within a few days, the thought of starting over felt like an intrusion. I wasn’t expecting this reaction at all.

if i tell the truth This brings some shame to me.

How could I not want to kiss the person I love most in the world?

But then, I stopped. I’m curious about the feeling rather than judging it. I remind myself that it goes like this: The habit of staying connected can be easily abandoned, while the habit of disconnecting can spread faster than we think.

The truth is, there is nothing shameful about how I feel. As we all know, shame doesn’t help. It doesn’t inspire us to take action; It traps us and keeps us trapped.

That moment was a powerful reminder for me of the importance of habits and rituals in staying connected. Even something as small as a goodnight kiss can go a long way in a relationship.

This is also a perfect manifestation of power inertia. If you don’t remember Newton’s Law of Inertia from high school physics, don’t worry – I’ll give you a quick refresher:

Objects in motion stay in motion. An object at rest remains at rest.

This obviously applies to intimacy in relationships. When you have ongoing, regular physical intimacy—whether it’s kissing, sex, or even brief encounters—it’s much easier to maintain that connection. But when these habits stop, it’s easy to stay connected to the outside world.

How many of us have been stuck in a drought and thought, “Not today, maybe tomorrow…” Only to find that tomorrow turns into next week, next month, etc.?

This little pause in our kissing ritual Showed me how quickly inertia can shift and how intentional we have to be in maintaining intimacy.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve noticed that you resist intimacy with your partner, or have difficulty reconnecting after a period of disconnection. It’s easy for shame to creep in and tell us there’s something wrong with how we’re feeling.

I’m here to tell you: There’s nothing wrong with you.

Talking about these feelings—rather than hiding them in shame—takes away their power. It can normalize your experience and take steps to re-establish your relationship.

So, these are the lessons I learned that will help you rebuild your relationship:

1. Use the power of inertia to help your relationship, not hurt it. Even small acts of intimacy, like a kiss or a hug, can have a huge impact on staying connected.
2. If you feel stuck, resist the shame spiral. Instead, notice how you feel with curiosity and take small steps to shift the energy.
3. Discuss this with your partner. Sharing your feelings and vocalizing your discomfort can bring you closer together, break the cycle of disconnection, and remind you of the love and care you both share.

This is the true beauty of inertia: Newton’s laws say that an object in motion stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest – Unless there is external force. My friends, this power is us.

It is our conscious, intentional choices that break the cycle of disconnection and keep love and intimacy alive.

It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture— It can be as simple as saying “yes” to a kiss or holding your partner’s hand.

That night, I chose to kiss Xander again, and it reminded me how powerful even the smallest moments of connection can be.

So, what small choices can you make today to be the force that keeps your connection humming?