10 oral sex tips for those who feel embarrassed

Cunnilingus or oral sex is one of the greatest joys in life. Since most vaginal refuges experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than intercourse, this is also a near-definite way to ensure sexual satisfaction in relationships.

But our partners aren’t always sure we want it, and honestly, many people with vaginas aren’t always sure they think Receive it. We consider the appearance of the vagina. How they smell. Whether our partner likes it or not, and we feel dirty due to a lot of inherent negative emotions about our vagina. We want to know if it looks “normal” there. All of this insecurity prevents us from relaxing and loving this moment (for some, this may hinder orgasm), and our partners are usually not sure how to make our “no, but yes, but you’re sure what you want to do That? “Signal.

Comparisons will also be confusing with our heads – we are constantly focusing on the thoughts we should see or smell in some way. But is it true? Is that smell too much? This is usually a huge turnover. “I’m talking about pheromones. One person once told me that he would wear a drug mask and emitting a vulva odor,” Kate ‘inbed withkate’ Kozlova, a resident sex educator at Luxus, told Sheknow. “Some people shop second-hand panties online for the same reason. We think ‘hair’ is usually crazy for others.”

Beyond that, accepting verbalism can feel vulnerable in ways that many of us are not used to. “Many women are trying to be vulnerable, open and accept,” Kozlova said. “Opening legs for oral sex involves greater openness, and as women we are used to being devotees, caregivers, people who say ‘I’m fine, you keep moving forward.” So when we should lie down and have fun – we feel uncomfortable even if we deserve it.

We may also feel unsafe about how long it takes to climax, worrying that it will take too long instead of staying there. “In fact, most vaginas don’t work on the same schedule as the penis,” Kozlova said. “There is no magic button, you can press it to turn on the vulva and be ready for an orgasm in a few minutes.”

the truth? You deserve happiness. You should feel safe, open and worship – smell etc.

Of course, you can always opt out of Cunnilingus – no one should participate in their uncomfortable sexual activities – but if you are curious and let someone fall to yourself, you may find it easier to let go and make yourself happy with these expert tips.

Don’t be ashamed of asking directly what you want, but make it sexy

Barking orders and making demands in bed is one thing, while the other is leaning over and whispering that you will do anything – Anything – If they are willing to do that with their tongue, drive you to the edge. Direct, honest and popular.

“Direct communication is very powerful because it eliminates speculation that causes anxiety for both sides,” Alicia Sinclair, a sex educator and founder and CEO of Le Wand, told Sheknows. “When you say what you want completely in a stuffy way, you not only have to prompt the instructions, but you express your desire, which is essentially sexy. Try something like,’I’ve been thinking about your mouth all day, not a clinical request. This frame oral sex is something you actively want, not something you hesitate about.”

Compliment

If your partner is not getting there as you want, then they may lack confidence because they are satisfied with you. So make sure you are your partner’s greatest cheerleader. If something doesn’t work, say it out and propose a move to do so. Say loudly you like that thing. Announce you are coming and know why it happens. Once you see how much you want your partner to please you, it won’t be that awkward.

“The positive reinforcement during oral sex is a dual purpose: it guides your partner toward work while building your confidence,” Sinclair said. “When you make a vocal pleasure – ‘feeling incredible’ or ‘don’t stop doing it’ – you train yourself to focus on good feelings, not insecurity. Many women find that the verbal pleasure behavior actually amplifies it.”

Improve your confidence

If it isn’t your business, you don’t have to torture yourself by getting a monthly Brazilian wax treatment. But if you are worried about what it looks there, even if you want it, it will prevent you from initiating sex, try to make sure you clean and comb your standards. You don’t have to spend a dime or cause you a huge pain. Trim a little, scratch a little, and if you feel timid and just come home from the gym, jump into the shower first. Anyway, your partner may love you, but your confidence will be long.

“The self-care ritual before intimacy is very powerful for situations where your mindset is transferred from anxiety to excitement. The key is to do what makes you feel confident, not what you think your partner expects,” Sinclair said. “If a quick shower and some light touch help you feel more in the body, it’s effective self-care, not vanity. Remember, confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

Give your body a clue

When asking about what we want, especially during sex, women are often accused of being no longer honest and expected. This is a valid point of view, but it also has to be as annoying as the nose. One way to avoid oral sex kills emotions is to use nonverbal cues. If your partner kisses your neck or chest, nudge your body upwards so he knows you want him to explore other areas.

“Nonverbal communication can be very effective because it is more organic and less demanding than verbal requirements,” Sinclair explains. “Body cues such as guiding a partner’s head or strategically positioning the body can convey desires without disrupting intimacy. This approach is especially effective for those who struggle with people who are related to sexual intercourse directly.”

Don’t play to death

In addition to verbally expressing what you like when giving you oral sex, give yourself enough freedom to moan, groan, twist and enjoy! The more sensitive you are, most partners will get your real tips real Just like what happened, hope it happens more often.

“Real responsiveness creates a positive feedback loop – when you allow yourself to groan, move and react naturally, you not only communicate with your partner, but also stay connected with your own fun,” Sinclair said. “Many women suppress their natural responses from their self-awareness, but this actually disconnects them from the feeling they are trying to enjoy.”

Also, anyone who doesn’t have the chance to drive your wild is seriously lacking in the effort department. Again, once you see how your partner can meet your needs, it will help you become more confident.

Give Your partner’s oral sex

Lead the lead by giving oral sex to send messages you want to spend more time on foreplay, but not quite sure how to come out and say that. Then, if they try to go straight into the main course, ask them to pay back. If your partner doesn’t like verbal, that’s another conversation, but it’s a clear nonverbal way, and it’s something you love (it’s great to use your words too!)

“Leading by example is a subtle but effective way to communicate oral sex is your priority without having to negotiate clearly. “In addition, giving fun can often help us feel more comfortable accepting it – some equality in oral sex with each other.” ”

Start loving your vagina

According to Kozlova, the more you have to your vulva and everything you do for you, including her looks and smells – the more comfortable you feel about oral sex. She recommends starting with using a mirror or taking vulva close-ups to get familiar with your anatomy. “You may even be opened up by the aesthetics of your own body!” she said. “You can improve sexual confidence and body image by sending positive affirmations to the vulva and telling it how much you love it.”

From there, Sinclair says that you can explore yourself and enjoy yourself. “Many women have benefited greatly from spending time exploring their bodies through masturbation and self-strike before receiving oral sex from their partners.

Create a comfortable ritual.

Sinclair recommends establishing a preventive habit that helps you transition from daily stress to a sentimental mindset. “This may dim the lights, play music you like, or spend a few minutes through kissing and eye contact, and then having oral sex,” she said. “The goal is to create an environment where you feel emotionally and physically vulnerable and get happiness.”

Practice the existence of mindfulness.

One technique Sinclair recommends is breathing during oral sex. “When you notice your mind wandering insecurity – ‘Do I smell OK?’ she explained, “Did it take too long?” – bringing your attention to your body through deep breaths. ” “Focus on what you can actually feel rather than what you worry about. This practice helps train the brain to stay present in a pleasant manner rather than stimulating anxiety. ”

Use positioning pillows.

Sometimes, you can’t relax because the way your body is positioned does not allow you. This is why Kozlova recommends raising her hips with a sexual pillow, which improves comfort and provides a more relaxed opportunity for her partner while reducing neck fatigue. “This can also help strengthen your confidence by putting your body in a flattering, supportive position,” she said.

A version of this story was released in January 2016.

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