10 Dirty Christmas Gifts That Can Get You In Trouble

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Whether you want a gag gift or your partner genuinely loves all things weird, bizarre, or disturbing, these dirty Christmas gifts will give you plenty to think about (and cause mischief at your next office Secret Santa event).

1. Candy Canes

I don’t mean those ordinary little gift boxes that are left over after Christmas, I mean Candy Canes – This toy is on just about every “weird sex toy” list.

Interestingly, it doesn’t look like That A terrible toy (at least compared to all the crazy toys out there). It looks fairly well made, without the glossy paint. So the mild end of this sex toy might actually be an acceptable gift.

2. Dirty decoration

In the world of sex toys, nothing is off limits – just look at the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Naughty Tree Ornaments.

Santa in this photo is unnervingly happy. He looks so happy… I wonder if this is just a once-a-year Christmas thing. The bad news? I can’t find a link to the store. The good news? Our old friend Esty came to the rescue!

3. Jingle Balls leaving

This penis ring is another phenomenon that’s been making the rounds on the internet – every store has an “out of stock” sign, either because they’ve sold out, the seller no longer cares, or they can’t handle all the “press”.

Still, it’s fun to imagine this toy ringing on your little bell as you attend Christmas celebrations. I also wonder if the bell edges are sharp.

4. DICK lipstick

Yes…really…it is Penis-shaped lipstickIt gives a whole new meaning to the term “Christmas gift” and has surprisingly rich colors.

The reviews on Amazon are very positive and support the idea that it’s a great conversation piece (imagine pulling it out at your next girls night). Just remember that if you want a specific color, you have to tell them – otherwise it’ll just come out randomly.

5. Naughty soap rings

This one screams “the perfect gag gift…but it might not end in a gag.”

It’s a simple soap ring for you to play with, but with clever phrases like “Shine the North Pole,” “Joy Overflows,” and “Good Spirits Can’t Be Silenced,” it’s pushed into the holiday zone. Enjoy your soap bubbles!

6. ELF Vibrator

Again, this shouldn’t be a surprise when there are chicken bullet vibrators, corn cob dildos and Japanese uncle sex toys. We love the Christmas theme, though.

What I didn’t like was the expression on the genie’s face. It was a confusing mix of emotions mixed with almost sidelong glances and frowns. It was like your vagina was too tight and he felt the squeeze. But if you can get your hands on one, get it! This vibrator is selling fast and it’s selling out fast.

7. Fruitcake Nipple

This list wouldn’t be complete without something that looks like your aunt’s attempt at DIY adult accessories. But the best part? They’re not! They’re totally mass-produced products. Amazon.

There are a lot of nipple covers out there, but this one caught my eye because of the brown sequins. That’s right! We went from felt to tacky sequins faster than you can say reindeer.

Choosing foods that most people hate is also the craziest choice.

8. Willy Wormer

It’s granny crochet!! It’s finally here. Life isn’t complete without a knitted wool item to go with your ugly Christmas sweater. Dress up your sweater like a December tree and spread the joy (I just hope it doesn’t itch).

As if things weren’t bad enough, this Etsy artist does custom work! You’ll be able to showcase different Willy Wormer Every holiday (including Canada Day).

9. Tree plug

From the makers who brought you the Elf dildo… we now have This “gem”. I can get with the idea of ​​a dildo, but what makes me frown is that they also advertise it as a butt plug – which is bad and dangerous.

The base of the butt plug must be wider than the toy so that the thing doesn’t fall out of the butt. So if you receive this as a gag gift, make sure they know it’s not for butt insertion.

10. Reindeer Thong

oh Human nature is smoothhow much we love you.

It’s also hard to choose one (Because there are so many out there), but this one is disturbing enough even without the thong element – imagine its big eyes jumping around as he struts around. Sadly, the musical version is not available. However, you can still find candy canes, elves, Santa hat wreaths and ugly Christmas sweaters to decorate your penis.

happy holidays!

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What about you? Which of these toys would you buy? Share in the comments!