Sexual Perspectives and Beliefs – and how they affect your wishes

Published on June 2, 2025

7 minutes to read

Sex can be difficult. Especially when we don’t want to be in the bedroom or have different levels of sexual desire.

I have been a sex therapist for over 9 years and support people through the ups and downs of desire, intimacy and emotional connections.

I’ve witnessed first-hand our sexual beliefs and values ​​shape not only our sexual desires, but our support and connections in relationships, especially when things don’t work too hard in the bedroom (or anything often in any tendency to make love).

In this article, we will explore how these beliefs develop, how they stop us and what you can do to build a more fulfilling sexual and emotional connection.

Because this is possible, even now it may not feel that way.

Want to hear it? Listen to the podcast episode from Science below: Sex Podcast.

The Power of Bedroom Faith

We know that sexual problems are one of the most common reasons why romantic relationships end. But science shows that it is not necessarily the problems that cause damage themselves, but the way we deal with them.

After all, conflict is not inherently bad. The way we interact with it is important.

How do we deal with the main players in sexual difficulties? Our sexual beliefs. Today, we want to unravel Sexual growth belief and Faith in Destiny.

• Sexual growth belief Sex life that is recommended requires hard work and continuous work.
• Faith in Destiny Think of great sex as the result of being with the right people and having natural chemistry.

What research tells us

A 2023 study published in Journal of Sexual Research Explore how these beliefs affect relationships and sex life during difficult times.

More than 800 participants in the three studies shared how they deal with sexual problems (such as low desire or mismatched sexual desire mismatch) and how these beliefs influence their behavior and satisfaction.

Major findings about sexual growth beliefs:

People who think that sexual behavior requires hard work and work are more likely:

• Have a sexual response to their partner (i.e. caring for and caring for the partner’s sexual needs)
• Feel more understanding and support from your partner
• Their partners see it as more loving and responsive, especially when couples go through sexually difficult times

Even in such a way:

• When a partner has a lower sexual desire.
• When couples think their sexual needs are not met
• During periods of sexual disruption, such as early COVID-19 lockdown

This responsiveness is also closely linked to overall satisfaction.

If you feel your partner is really trying to listen to you and meet your needs (especially in the bedroom), it will make you feel safer, cared for and connected. This alone can make your relationship stronger and more fulfilling.

Want your sexual desire?

My free resource Desire Test can help you take the first step to increase your sexual desire by knowing your desires are reduced.

Take a 10-page evaluation quiz to get the answers you need to know your status in the way you crave and get your inbox free sex and relationship tips straight to. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Major discoveries about the belief in sexual destiny:

People who believe in great sex are almost “find a person”:

• Low response to partner needs (both sexual and general)
• Less care for their partners
• More affected by unmet expectations

This is especially true when there are sexual challenges. For example, if someone believes in sexual destiny and their sexual life is not going well, they are more likely to see the relationship as doomed or desperate than something they can do.

How these beliefs are manifested in real life

Low desire and high desire
You are doing the job – seeing a sex therapist, doing the exercises – but your partner (holding the belief in fate) can’t see progress and start quitting.

Continuous Challenges
Sexual difficulties (such as orgasm or arousal) have been around for some time, causing both partners to suspect the relationship (even if there is love) because they think that sex should be effortless.

Sexual mismatch
You are willing to get help, but your partner refuses, deeming low sexual desire (or mismatched sexual desire) signals incompatible. Still, you stick to hope – a belief in growth – things can improve with effort.

Why responsiveness is important

Research shows that even in the face of sexual struggles, it can respond to the needs of a partner and even protect or even strengthen the relationship. But it works only when the responsiveness comes from where it really comes.

The sexual behavior we achieve is to achieve a positive goal—just like wanting to show the love of our partner or wanting to increase the intimacy in our relationship—can bring good sex and more desires.

However, the sexual behaviors we have to avoid negative outcomes – often lead to sexual misconduct, less desire, and feel like or lead to involuntary sexuality.

It is so important to respond to your Parner’s needs only from a positive pursuit rather than an introductory gui.

When low desires encounter differences in belief

In all three studies in this article, the researchers focused on the heterosexual couple with a lower clinical sexual desire in the woman.

They found that the woman was more likely to feel supportive and connected when her partner held a belief in growth (such as “we can work together”).

But women often feel more isolated and less understanding when their partner holds faith in fate (such as “if this is correct”) – even on days when sex is “good”. And the partner doesn’t know the partner’s efforts, even if they have sex (or have the sex life they want).

This shows that our sexual beliefs blind us to what is happening.

Sexual perspectives can change

Our sexual beliefs and perceptions of sex are shaped by past experiences. They are not fixed. Although this study did not directly explore changes in faith, treatment is often centered on this work.

Actually, when treatment works, it’s because we are changing our core beliefs.

In working with my clients, many start with faith in fate – but they also carry a glimmer of hope for growth. Through our work, we hope to thrive often and become a comprehensive belief in change. It’s necessary because they try to actually transfer things.

How to move from fate to growth

This transformation is possible. The following are:

1. Identify your destiny and beliefs. For example, “If I were with the right person, sex should be easy.”
2. Pay attention to your emotions. What does this belief make you feel? sad? despair? Angry?
3. Track your actions. How does this belief affect your behavior? Have you quit, fight, pretended to be asleep?
4. Challenge beliefs. Is it 100% true? What evidence supports or conflicts?
5. Build a new belief. Flexible and authoritative stuff like “sexual issues are common, they are a signal that needs to be changed, not a sign that something breaks.”
6. Plan next time. When this old belief reappears, you will respond well. Strengthen your new beliefs through awareness and practice. Whenever your old beliefs appear, they will contradict your new beliefs.

Bottom line

Changing beliefs is not a quick solution. This is a process. But it’s a process that can change your relationship and your sex life.

Because at the end of the day, this is not only a sexual challenge, but also a way we think and respond.

If you wish for the full exercise of this article, you can get it here.

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Limiting precautions: This study mainly involves white, monogamous heterosexual couples, so we need to be cautious in generality. Again, it is related, so it shows the relationship between belief and outcome, not causality.