Betrayal Partner: Rehabilitation after betrayal

Erin Snow

If you are like most betrayal partners, the worst part of cheating is not the actual sexual or romantic behavior your partner engages in. The worst part is losing relationship trust. You love your partner, you want to trust him, but after discovering that he has deceived you, it is almost impossible to believe one thing he said or did. This will make you feel like you’re crazy. You love him as always. The next moment, you couldn’t stand his sight.

Unfortunately, you can expect this crazy to last longer than you might want. It usually takes at least a year to get your relationship started to normal again – that is your cheating partner is honest with you, change the necessary behavior, and be honest with you. If his personal recovery process begins at the right time, the relationship recovery process will also begin at the right time.

Rehabilitation skills

As you begin the process of rebuilding relationship trust and emotional intimacy, we recommend the following to you and your cheating partner.

• Put your relationship in a safe harbor for at least six months. When you get stuck in the heat of pain and distrust, this is not a good time to make a decision that will affect you and your family throughout your life. With the six-month mark, you will be in a better mindset when it comes to major decisions.
• During the recovery process, don’t rely on your partner as the primary source of emotional support. Instead, turn to a therapist, friend or understanding family member. Yes, you both need emotional support. But neither of you is in a place where you can provide or receive each other.
• Pause from intercourse. Of course, it might feel like makeup sex is the best sex you two have ever had, but sex is not relationship glue. Sex is what makes you two fall into this situation. So, let it rest and focus on the process of rebuilding trust and healing your sense of connection.

Find your own support

Obviously, if he wants to save his relationship with you, your cheating partner has a lot of work to do. He will need to start treatment, identify and change his problem behavior, overcome denial and be completely honest with you. He also needs to understand and feel the pain he brings to you. He will need to do these things for a year or more before you stop living because he is worried that he will cheat, keep the secret and lie to you again.

But what about you? You are not a problem person. You are not the one who causes this kind of confusion. So, why consider getting help? My response to this is that it is absolutely correct to have these ideas. You are not the problem; need help. But you were injured, very injured, you Deserved Get some knowledgeable and understanding support.

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If you or a loved one is struggling with sexual, pornography, or material/sex addiction, seeking integrity can help. In addition to residential rehabilitation, we offer low-cost online workgroups for both male addicts and male porn addicts, which is a new rehabilitation. Click here for information about our Sex Addiction Working Group. Click here for information about our Porn Addiction Working Group.